It's been a challenging week. My son had a birthday yesterday and my STBX emailed me asking if something had happened the night before because he was crying in school. He talked to the school counselor and it turns out he was upset because he'd felt like he was being put in the middle, specifically because STBX always questions him intensely about what I do with the kids and often shows disapproval. It makes him feel very uncomfortable and he told her so (I know this because once he was on the phone with my mom and she overheard some of this, and he has told me the same thing).
STBX emailed me again extremely defensively about why she needed to know what was going on, and more. Some of what she said was reasonable but much of it was extremely controlling and unaccountable. Clearly she is having a hard time trusting me to parent. This from someone that dismantled a family and now has a second OM spending the night that the kids are wondering about.
BUT- I did the same thing. I haven't replied yet but will basically agree with what I can- that I'm glad that she was able to deescalate the situation, and that it's good we can share this with each other so we can address it as consistently as possible to make him feel that we're a united front and to demonstrate to him we communicate with each other and both love him infinitely.
Little bit more to it than that, but that's a good recap.
Oh- what's cheering me up today is a post I just made on Sunny's thread. Excerpt in quotes below below. While I wasn't going to leave my W a year ago, I was definitely acting entitled, and I NEVER would have made this statement. I thought my M was so bad nothing could be worse. Nothing like a little perspective. I can see I've changed. I don't miss my M and do yearn for much, much, much, MUCH more...but if (when) it doesn't go the way I want I feel much better prepared. Am I truly ready to walk through 40 years of feeling isolated, neglected, disrespected, and shortchanged? I believe so. Do I want to? No. But maybe by being ready to I can continue to act lovingly regardless of what she does, and be ready to tango for one and be a good H.
"God doesn't owe us a perfect partner. We're blessed to have a partner, and our job is to support and love them, whatever we get in return is a GIFT, not an entitlement."
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
