First of all, Cadet: I used to use my iphone 6 safari browser. I still do, but the layout changed. It used to be an exact replica of the desktop layout. At some point in the last 2 weeks, the layout is different and all the icons, word spacing, typography, and fonts are messed up. Is there someone you can talk to about making sure it is compatible with iOS.
Thanks, Caliguy for you reply. It is blunt. But this is all anonymous, so I have nothing to hide or hide from except my own psyche.
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My thread is a very long one ... longer than I ever cared it to be.
Sorry for your sitch. I really do want to read up on it. But first I want to reply to you.
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...sometimes different eyes will expose things in a light that may be of use to you.
always appreciated. What I'm doing is clearly not working. So I obviously have to change it up... or redefine my objectives. I am trying to process everything you are saying.
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Appears to me your W definitely 'affair-ed down' and from what I gathered in your posts you somewhat have been a doormat this whole time, not to sound mean or insensitive but its just the vibe I got, took you a bit to boot her from the BR, yet she still continues to enjoy the house, the phone and most of all the A .... Total cake eater and she is getting fat n happy at your expense.
If by "affaired-down", you mean hunkered down into the affair, then you are absolutely correct. I have been a doormat. I simmer by myself and glare at her, hoping she will see it and feel bad. Very pathetic - like a two-year-old - I know. At first, I was wary because I did not want to "rock the boat" in front of the kids. Mozza set me straight (thanks again, Mozza) and made me realize that defending my own honor in front of my kids is important, too, and sets a better example. That prompted booting her out of BR. I have thought about cutting off her phone and credit cards. However, I have been advised by my L to continue to pay for her phone:
"I would continue to pay for her phone at this point."
"Since you are still married, you may be liable for at least one-half of any credit card debt in her name. So, it may be best to continue with business as usual since you can get the statements and can monitor the activity. If she is doing something out of the ordinary with the credit cards, please contact me to discuss further."
I will also add that my sister, whom I trust very much, has given me the exact same advice. I get that my L and my sister are not trying to save my M, thus their advice will run counter to DB. But they are trying to save ME! And as you intimated below, perhaps I am not truly interested in saving my M. I will address that below. You have forced me to revisit my Ls email (quoted above). I just realized that WW has been doing things out of the ordinary with her credit cards: increased spending at Nordstrom's, personal grooming stuff, and she gave the number to my MIL. At first I dismissed it because we were preparing for the Bar-Mitzvah. Cali, you are opening my eyes as I write this. Why do I have to provide her with anything right now? for the bar-mitzvah or otherwise? Also, it is VERY dangerous letting MIL have the card number. OMG! I can feel the 2x4 coming. What an idiot I have been. I just have three more strong reservations.
1) What to do when DB advice runs counter to legal advice? 2) Won't these actions just increase the hostility? as you noted, I am already hostile. Does it not make more sense to just D so I can truly detach? 3) No offense, Cali (or anyone else on this board), but it's sometimes hard to take advice from an anonymous individual who is not truly in my shoes. Although I trust you and your motives completely, you don't stand to suffer my consequences. I know I am free to take or leave your advice, but I know you care, so I am asking you: why should I take your advice?
(It seems like I have discovered a very deep-seated fear of making decisions on my own. I think I am unfairly leaning on you now, so you don't have to answer #3 if you don't want to.)
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Your GAL's up to this point to me make no effort to even hint at mystery, you are a good dude, work, come home, maybe run ... but you really need to get out of your comfort zone and do something for YOU ... I get the kids/work/house/family ... all that ... but truth is its predictable and more of the same is it not? I have not seen any mention of true GAL's 180's
Running a 1/2 marathon is NOT more of the same, but for the most part you are absolutely right - I am predictable. I have been thinking long and hard about other GAL activities. Something I always wanted to do. Truth is, I am already pretty content going to movies, going out to eat from time-to-time, and socializing with friends. I don't see myself sky diving, or learning an instrument, or joining a book club. Should I do something just to do it? I really want it to be something that I will enjoy and that will be "me". I really already enjoy the things I am doing now (the running, learning). I know it is more of the same, but I can't think of anything. Any suggestions how to tease out something new?
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even your PMA seems to be ice cold bitterness towards your WW .... do you want to save the M, or are you just going through the motions till the D goes through?
Not sure. I want to move on so I can detach, or detach so I can move on. My whole community is urging me to move on and drop WW like a bad habit. They are actually waiting for me. And I am getting to a point where I don't really need her anymore. I can pay the bills, parent, cook, do my own laundry. What am I trying to save here? Maybe my ego wants her back, so I can "win". Not a very good reason.
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Just my observations.
No, not just observations. Inherent in your comments is advice. If you give advice, you have an obligation to stand by it. Where are the vets who are going to say: "Cali is right on! You have to start doing things for yourself! Stop leaning on the L and your sister. BE A MAN."? I am scared. I totally admit it. Fear has dominated me for the last 2 years.
Cali, I really appreciated your post. Thanks so much for taking the time. I do hope you will reply.
