Don't Look Back 1

[Zues126]

I keep thinking about my friend who's borderline WAW. She's entirely faithful to her H, but she's losing respect for him because he's not standing up and being a man in a very specific way. Her resentment is growing and turning into disgust. I feel so sorry for her, for her H, I want to slap him and point out he's about to lose the best thing that ever happened to him. It's fascinating to watch it play out just the way I read about here and know there's nothing I can do to stop the car crash. It's something they'll have to figure out.

Funny Sunny, I see the flip side (maybe because I'm an LBH). And REMEMBER- I don’t know the sitch, you do. But when I hear about a potential WAW, I picture someone that isn’t satisfied with their H, that views them through a lens of resentment, criticism, and disgust. The fact is that the vast majority of M’s are dissolved by WAW’s, and I feel this attitude is at the center. Bottom line, I don’t know any women that don’t feel this way about their H’s at times. The only question is going to be do you remain committed to a flawed human and appreciate what you have or do you reject it because you feel entitled to more.

So her H isn’t the person she’d create him to be. That’s life. You can either judge him, condemn him, diminish him, abandon him, and destroy a M (only to find out there are NO perfect men and the next man will have other areas she’ll disrespect and resent, only on top of a broken family)…or she can find her own happiness, make changes in herself and choose to treat him lovingly and with appreciation and respect- which may actually prompt a different response from her H. And if it doesn’t, she could maybe accept that you don’t get everything you want in life, but choose to keep a M together and walk a good path for herself and her family. I believe that staying in the M is right, and that if they stay together in 3 years or 5 years it will be a different dynamic, particularly if she worked on herself using DB principles. Yes, that’s a long time, and it stinks to feel hurt, neglected, or unappreciated, etc. But D isn’t an easier or better path in my opinion unless there is true danger to the family.

Anyway, those are my beliefs. I recognize I am very fiery on the subject. Partly because of what I’ve gone through. But frankly I’ve always felt this way which is why I never would have walked despite some serious deficits in the M. I just don’t think it’s ok, and I hope to find a woman that agrees someday. I do still know a few men who’s wives have stayed with them for the count, and it’s not because their H’s are prince charming…it’s because they are princess accepting.

To be clear- I'm not defending the H's behavior (which I don't know) But what he does and how she responds are two different things. No doubt he does need a slap too!