if it's too late why is he still here?

[lost18]

Well, H got word that he is finally approved for surgery. It is scheduled for Friday the 5th. For some reason I got all twisted up like...oh crap, it's all coming to an end. Had an appt with my IC and she said I was getting all worked up about nothing...

Well, this morning H asked if I had time to talk. His boss overseas had emailed him about a job and asked if he was interested. Of course he has to recover and get cleared.

Then the big stuff, "we need to talk about what's going on with us." If you remember I asked you for a divorce. I did ok on the DB stuff for some of it, not so good on others. He hasn't changed his mind, "isn't in love with me anymore" He has been texting OP but he says nobody special.

I wish I could remember everything that was said. I did say one of my biggest regrets was not making him feel loved and wanted because I did. Talked about looking back at the last 18 years and some of our(my) pitfalls. He said the last 6 years being away he drifted away from me.

Agreed that we get along and have fun, but he's looking at that as more of a friendship but thinks it's a good thing.

I guess he's finally ready to tell the girls. Doesn't want to go through lawyers, he is going to make sure we are taken care of, he cares for my well-being and of course his kids. He actually isn't sure filing D is the best thing to do. Financially with taxes, says I wouldn't be able to afford the house (of course I responded that he would have to support me legally) I wouldn't have insurance.

I did say that I accept it is what he wants, but it is not what I want and it makes me sad that he can't see potential.

After the conversation was pretty much over i was in tears and asked him for hug (I just really needed a hug) and he was kid of upset, said he thought I'd be further along than this. He said the same thing last July. We talked some more about

H is home...more later