I am back, but only briefly. If my work is a considered a GAL activity – then I am the *GAL king* . I am so busy. I do not feel that I am doing very well in the GAL category. I am spending more time with the kids. I am still learning with a buddy at 6 AM. However, I went out with friends only twice in the last 2 months. My running has slacked a lot, too and I am still lacking additional GAL activities. I am just so tired when I get home from work. After I put the kids to bed, I just want to cloister myself in my room, listen to some music and sleep – if I don’t have more work to do. I also need to find some time to work on my finances in preparation for D. Also, my mother is ill and will be having major surgery in a few weeks. I will be traveling. I was briefly home with her last week. With all the turmoil in my life, I have not been a great son. Pretty self absorbed. I am pretty exhausted. I am not eating well or sleeping well.
Some other issues I have been struggling with:
I no longer know how to relate to my WW. I have gone very dark. Although we are under the same roof, there is almost zero communication - aside from some incidental child-centered topics. I know I am going dark for myself, and, in that respect, it has helped with detaching; but I am not sure how it will help me or my sitch in the long run. I think it is just causing my wife to resent me more. Here is an example that may illustrate my predicament: My W is still in full swing with the A. Completely disrespectful. I have strong reason to believe that she brings OM to our house. I (or my ego, at least) feel violated and emasculated. In the midst of all this, WW prepared a lot of food for a recent holiday and exerted a lot of effort. She spent a lot of time cooking and the food was delicious. In the past I would have thanked her profusely and made sure the kids thanked her. Now that she is actively engaged in an A, I don’t feel particularly grateful for anything she does. Should I thank her? I, like Old Dog, have a lot of anger. I think I am wielding the silence like a sword against her. I know I am alienating her. I just can't stop perseverating over the "I betrayed you, I am disrespecting you, I am leaving you, but why can't we all just get along?" trope. **Mind-reading alert** "We're getting divorced. Put you ego aside and start to get along with me." I just can't seem to do this. I know it is my ego preventing me. I know I should rise above it. I just can't seem to make that leap. I just can't seem to let it go. So much anger. I don't know how to be civil without feeling like I am condoning what she is doing. I don't know how to walk the line between making her start to do some heavy lifting and alienating her.
Worse, although I am superdad, working like a mother----er, and coming home earlier, she still focuses on the negative things I have done and maligns me anyway. I overheard her complaining to her enabler-in-chief, my step-MIL, that I kicked her out of the BR. She complained that I did not thank her once for all her effort, that I am setting a bad example for the kids by being ungrateful. She constructs the narrative to justify her actions. I get that. I know I should not care what she or MIL think about me. But her attitude towards me can potentially dictate the outcome of custody. Can't it?
. I am so busy. I do not feel that I am doing very well in the GAL category. I 
