I wouldn't be too concerned that you've not heard from him. They do that when they are in crisis or doing other things. Just because you do not hear from him, it doesn't mean that he hasn't thought about you. Do not "assume" anything because this will lead to stinking thinking. If he needs something, trust me, you will hear from him. Continue as you have been.
Enjoy the rest of your conference.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes, you are both right. I am making assumptions. It is so true, because I am obviously still thinking and caring greatly about H, but I am not contacting him for my own reasons. So this certainly could be true for H.
Looking forward to being home tomorrow as I am exhausted. Killed it at this conference with new business, so going home with increase in self-esteem. Oh, and did I mention that a couple of times I caught a few glances down at my hand to see if there was a ring. Would never act on it, but still made me feel good.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Sitting at airport, I realize I am in a good place going back home today. Feel like I have new outlook and calmness about my situation. I don't feel as anxious as I have been over past few weeks. What will be will be. I can only control me. Ready to do some strong focusing on me over the next few weeks.
I already know H will not be home tonight. Said he is going out with coworkers tonight and crashing at one of their houses (work is hour home). None are single women and I do trust he is telling truth. He was very specific about options without me asking.
It is kind of funny how he has talked about this evening before I left for trip. Drink fest, contemplating bringing some sort of alcohol to drink prior to going out, etc. H is soon to be 42, but acting like he is in early 20s. Think he is trying to relive the real college years he never had. He was in college between 30-40's and married. Since he has been unhappy in marriage, I am sure this is his way of getting back what I took away from him--at least in his mind. Just to point out though, he would have never earned degrees without me.
Happy for him to get this sort of stuff out of his system if it helps him realize that he is being a fool if he gives me up. Looking forward to having house to myself for first night back anyway. So tired!!
Last edited by BW05; 05/29/1512:59 PM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Not the best night. Basically came home to confirm my H is having affair and OW was in our home while I was away. He was not home when I figured this all out, so I sent him text that basically said that I know, that I am trying to figure out what I am going to do, that I will hear him out, but if he denies it he will need to leave house. I said that we can't have M or friendship without transparency and lies.
Not sure if that is what DB calls for, but I feel damn good about the text. I am very calm and collected, probably because I really already knew. I am actually pretty sure this is the second trip that OW has been in house.
Have not received response nor has he come home.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Not the best night. Basically came home to confirm my H is having affair and OW was in our home while I was away. He was not home when I figured this all out, so I sent him text that basically said that I know, that I am trying to figure out what I am going to do, that I will hear him out, but if he denies it he will need to leave house. I said that we can't have M or friendship without transparency and lies.
Not sure if that is what DB calls for, but I feel damn good about the text. I am very calm and collected, probably because I really already knew. I am actually pretty sure this is the second trip that OW has been in house.
Have not received response nor has he come home.
I'll let someone with more experience give advice. Just wanted to say that that [censored] and I'm sorry you're going through this.
I am so sorry to hear this. I second what Matt wrote.
I found this verse today, I hope it helps you feel at least a little better:
“But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength” (2 Timothy 4:17).
{{{{BW}}}}
Your friend always -
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
How are you doing? Did he return home or go completely AWOL last night? If and when you have your talk w/your h, stay calm, cool and collected. You will be able to judge his body language far better if you remain calm and even toned. The more emotional you get, the more he'll act stupid and spew.
I would definitely put some boundaries in place if you opt to allow your h to remain living under the same roof w/you. What you told him about transparency is very true. I honestly don't think he's ready to work on himself or the marriage at this point.
You will need to make some decisions as to what you want in the way of a relationship w/him for the time being. I'm very sorry that he's acting out. Nothing is worse than coming home and finding out that the op has been in your home.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
He did not come home, but that was always going to happen as he was going out drinking with co-workers. He would have received text well before going out.
I received text reply that he was not sure what my evidence was, but he would be glad to discuss today. That came 5hrs after I sent text. I plan on being cool and calm, which I truly am right now. If he starts to lie, I plan on just getting up and removing myself from conversation.
You would think receiving a text like that he would have come home straight away if he was in place to work on M. To me this action of avoiding only confirms A.
Any other tips for boundaries?
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
