R-talk this morning: W is confused and spoke openly about her emotions. She has signed a contract for a flat (1st of August) and has lend money from a bank. She said, that she is afraid of the next steps and that she feels overwhelmed with the task of ending this marriage. She felt left alone with this task.
She said, that she is not sure, what is the best way. She could not even think about the relationship and is afraid, that I could hurt her again. She is not sure, if she can trust me again. Her emotions were sore and she is not sure, that we are good for each other. She could understand my wish of keeping this family together and admitted, that it might have been a mistake to sign the lease.
She has no idea, how to get into a new job and she is afraid, that she might need to work full-time after a divorce. She wants to be there for the kids as good as possible.
She did not mention a separation or divorce. She would know nothing right now and could not decide what would be right or wrong.
I was friendly and validated her emotions and thanked her for being open with me. She is under a lot of pressure.
Right now I am full of mixed emotions. I am annoyed about the idea, that it should have been only me, who has caused all the trouble. I have felt good about myself during the last week and don't want to beat up myself for the bad things that have happened. I am working on my changes and stick to them and I am sorry for all her pain, but what else can I do? And I do not agree on her emotion, that the entire 20 yrs might have been a long and dark hell.
I am a bit tired of dealing with the situation. She said, that she needs a couple of days to think about it all and I have told her the same.
If I would leave, none of her problems would be solved. She would still be in a financial mess, she would still need to find a job, she would still discover, that there are painful situations in any relationship.
I really want to keep this family together, but my pride tells me, that I could make it without her and that I do not want to be "the problem" of the marriage. Right now, that is what she feels and I have to accept it, but her picture of the 20 yrs is very dark and I am angry, that she does not mention the many, many good times in all those yrs.
What do you think about this conversation and what could be the next step? I can not promise her, that she might never get hurt by me again. That would be unrealistic.
Please share your ideas with me.
Me 46 W 45 S16 D14 S10 M 20 yrs in June T22 12/14 sleeping in different rooms 01/07/15 she said she wants a separation 02/26/15 I moved out
