Advice Welcome, separating and W moving out soon..

[Zues126]

I'm still following Jedi, just haven't had much to say. It's a surreal week you're going through.

A little distraction as a break is ok, but I'm not sure that's the whole soul of GAL. Otherwise it's just evasion- although again, no harm when in balance.

I wrote a lot about having your needs met in my last thread. My thought on GAL is that it's about finding new ways to meet your needs. So in your M you depended on your WAW to take care of your needs in many ways. So the same way if you become a vegetarian you have to start getting your protein elsewhere, when you are separated you have to get your emotional needs met elsewhere.

When you GAL you open the door to finding alternatives. For example, I am going to church and that is filling a need that reduces my desires in other areas. Or I'm posting on these forums and feeling understood, or like there's a 'witness' to my life. Or I'm doing adventurous things with my kids that make me feel connected with my family. And so on.

Once you have found a way to meet your needs on your own you won't be as desperate for your WAW. You'll still love her. But you won't NEED her.

This scares a lot of people because they think loving is needing. But that's codependency, which many of us are rooted in. The reality is that a M shouldn't hold together because two people need each other. Nor should it be because of love, as emotions come and go. Both people should be able to make their own happiness and meet as many needs of their own as possible as this takes pressure OFF the marriage, then they should CHOOSE to act lovingly whether they feel it or not. This is what I've come to believe anyway after a year of DBing.