Painter & anyone else, what brought your spouse back to work on marriage & end their affair, if you care to share?
Also, anyone worry about the mental health if their spouse? My W says she us thinking Crystal clear but her actions tell me otherwise.
Only H can really answer that... but what he told me, is that when it was clear that I was coming back (I went away 5 months for school, and it was during this time he took the EA to a PA and started telling me that he didn't want me to come back), he ended it with OW. She lives several states away, so not a daily presence.
He has also always been very attracted to me physically, so that didn't hurt when he saw me again and I was 10 pounds lighter and had bought new jeans...
I also think it was a big reality check for him that I saw an attorney after I found out about PA, and he realized I had many more rights than he believed. It seems he thought I would just... evaporate or something.
I don't know about mental health, but emotionally off his hinges, yes. I have never seen anything like it before, and I'm not sure how it happened. It's extremely powerful, but he is on very uncertain footing without OW. Example: Monday, we went for a ride in the morning, but he was in a very bad mood and it turned into a very negative argument that ended with him talking about splitting and that he's only staying because he can't afford to move out and pay alimony.
However, after I said that I felt we had made quite a bit of progress over the last several weeks and it made me sad that he was so negative over a single setback, he followed me around the house and asked if it was really true that I thought we had made progress, and that he was completely confused and didn't know what to think, then. The next day, he was in a good mood and we had very nice interactions.
I feel sorry for him that he is in such turmoil internally, and I hope the MC can help him find his way. I realize that he has very little self-insight and has been pretending a lot during our relationship. Not because of me, but because that's what he's done all his life.
At this point, I'll be okay either way, and maybe he can sense that. I can see how it could be nice to have a partner who doesn't yell at me and gets angry all the time, and who shares some of my world views and likes the to do the same things. It would be lovely not to walk on eggshells all the time.
But this is my marriage and my home, and I'm trying to take this opportunity to build a new relationship out of the pieces of the old one.
