DF ... just chiming in here ... read up on your sitch .. well the past few weeks anyways. Detachment is a tough one, but the reason I think, .. reading your changes.. for you the reason you all the sudden feel like you got sucked in was because you have been GAL'ing, taking advice and your WAW has been pursuing you ... sucking you back in ... its a tough line as your emotions are tugging that she is being nice, she is TM me, calling me ... truth is she is testing.
This happens, you are doing quite well but take the advice of TO and Starsky ... keep at it, even if it feels like hard ball ... you are not going to nice your WAW back into the M, she has to respect you first, she is not going to respect a cute puppy that wants his belly rubbed just because she was nice to him ... she will however respect that German sheppard that will snap at her if she crosses a boundary.
As far as the kids ... yeah you have to lock that down, she knows thats the 'in' with you ... mine did that too. I was given great advice and will share with you concerning calls/TM. Emergencies -Reply immediately Stuff concerning Kids 15-20 minutes Anything else 2 hours or a nonreply You choose.
As far as the Social media .. I 'unfriended' my W ... she asked why, gave me the "I know we are divorcing but we can still be friends for S's sake" ... my reply was simple, Make no mistake, if we D we will not be friends, I will co-parent with you to the best of my ability but I am not interested in a friendship, I would never keep a 'friend' who left me like you did and cheated on me with an OP ..... D is not want I want but I respect your choice.
Sometimes you have to draw a hard line in this, you do not have to be mean nor bitter, just firm kind and very matter of fact.
CaliGuy, Thanks for the support. Obviously, I've been stressing as of late about everything so I appreciate the vote of confidence.
I hate that the kids are in the middle of this. Of course, that's what happens in a D. While I was out shopping, STBX facetimed me. That's usually the method of communication she will take if the kids want to talk with me at night. Of course, it wasn't appropriate to answer at the store nor was I ready to talk anyway. But, it hurt so bad, just feels so wrong, not being able to talk with my kids.
Originally Posted By: Kramer
Totally agree with Caliguy. I told my wife in no uncertain terms that I would not be her friend if we divorced. Friends don't do what our WS have done to us.
Stay strong and walk the walk. Be cordial, firm, and calm. My wife was convinced that I was living large, footloose and fancy free. I wasn't, of course, but it just goes to show you that the process works.
Kramer, The support means a lot, especially with the recent breakthrough in your sitch. While I haven't had the formal talk with STBX about not being friends, I think she will be getting the point with my lack of response.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
