Cautiously optimistic-Kramer's journey continues

[Kramer]

Thank you so much for the well wishes from all of you. This site has been a lifesaver during this horrible period. I am so thankful and humbled here.

Newest updates:

Still maintaining open communication with each other. Still NC with OM, as far as I know. I am starting to realize how emotionally invested she was, and how miserable she has been over the past 6 months. She has been taking Benadryl and drinking wine on a daily basis just to get to sleep. She has been anxious, sad, lonely, and afraid. It sounds like OM started pullback even earlier than I thought.

She has been very emotional and tearful over the past few days. She is profusely apologetic with me and is willing to do whatever it takes to work. She feels used and ashamed by her actions, and says she is furious with OM. She told me that she feels like she represented a challenge to him, and that he has moved on to his next challenge. Of course, all of this true to a certain extent, but she needs to realize that she is responsible for her own actions.

One of the things she keeps repeating is that she did not know that everybody would hate her for what she did. She did not expect her bio children to side with me. She is now realizing how affairs affect everybody in your life. I let her cry, I hold her, and I validate her feelings. I do not tell her it's all ok. She needs to feel this pain. However, I am kind and non-judgmental.

Her youngest child (17) told her that she's damn lucky that I took her back, that I'm the best person for her, and that she "better not screw this up". That was nice to hear.

I can see how this process is frustrating and scary as well. There are so many raw emotions for both of us. I love her and I will do whatever it takes, but I'm also still quite wary and hurt. I'm mature enough to realize that limerance is what she felt, but it's still painful thinking about the 2 of them together, and how hurt and alone I was. I wonder which song on the radio was "their song", or if he was a better lover than I was. Were their conversations deeper? Was he funnier or kinder? You get the gist of it. I keep these things to myself, and work on acceptance.

Time will tell what happens. For now, things are still moving ahead in a good manner. Divorce will be withdrawn on Friday. Baby steps...