Last night was as close as I've gotten to getting detachment right. I had no idea when W would be home from "working late", so I just made dinner. She walked in the door as I was finishing up making it. Basically so it appeared that I had dinner ready for her. She said that was sweet of me. I didn't jump down her throat or tell her she just got lucky with the timing even though I wanted to.
During dinner, I didn't talk much. I spoke when spoken to basically, and was very calm and relaxed. W took D2 to bed and I went to the gym. Came back and started reading a book. W came downstairs and I didn't say anything, just kept reading. She then started to talk to me about everyday things. I stopped reading and listened, making eye contact. Again, responding politely to questions.
She began to talk about going to a fancy dinner with her parents for her dad's retirement party. She didn't know if they had high chairs there...I simply said I would watch D2and she could go with her parents. She responded "you don't want to go?" I said simply "given what's going on it doesn't make much sense."
At that moment, I could almost hear and see the emotional shift...the realization in her mind what she has done. This situation she has created. Reality setting in that family events will be different, she will be alone (she can't exactly bring OM to family events). It was amazing how a simple matter of fact answer from me, which drew attention to the consequences of her actions without yelling or accusing or begging changed her ever so slightly immediately. It was like a switch flipped.
After that, she started looking up pictures of us, D2, etc on her phone. She brought up some old memories. Asked me some questions about how she treated me in the past. Again, I provided polite but short answers and made eye contact.
I went up and got ready for bed. She finished getting ready, I simply politely said "goodnight" and went downstairs. (Yes, on the couch - I know, I know...)
About 2inute later, she came downstairs and walked over to me. I asked if she was ok. She said "I just wanted to give you a hug". I said "oh. Thanks." And she hugged me. In keeping with my sense that I blow everything going in my favor, I think I held on to her a little too long and didn't want to let go.
But that hug felt really good.
I'm still hurt. I still hate what she's doing. I'm still ready to leave at any time, but little signs of progress and validation that these DB techniques may just work after all keep me holding out hope.
I know not to read too much into last night. Long way to go, and she hasn't dropped OM yet. But I don't feel quite as miserable today as I did yesterday.
Just asking for prayers that I can stay detached, that I can learn to "let go" when I need to, and keep a positive mind, body, and spirit.
