I want that 2 min hug, and I think I got it. I felt smiling again, and it is because you always remind me that my life is good (maybe even better without H).
Maybe I am just being stubborn wanting the M so much when the truth is that my M was very bad for myself too. I was not happy in the M I had.
And I don't know if it would be better the other way around. H did not change much, the patterns are there, the selfishness is still there, and now there is all this pain, betrayals, kids feelings. It is a complete mess right now.
But you remind me of time where there was the stronger version of me, the one that had no fear and did not worry about love much. It was cool to remember. It was my "Bloody Hell" time and I won't ever forget it.
I was looking at the airlines ticket price to Dublin and guess what? It is about $1500 round trip, and that is no hotel, no meals, no car rental. I guess I need to wait a bit to go visit you. If I spend all that money now, my D will become a little complicated. So, it need to wait.
I have one complication that is gonna hit my life pretty crazy hard. I had someone in my life before my actual H, we did not get married but we lived together for a few years, in Singapure and Brasil. He is the father of my older boy (S21). On may 23rd, his birthday, I called him so he can finally meet his son.
I hope he did not die after my call, because he was really in shock. He is polish and live now in Poland. Now, I need to write an email to him with all my info and he will come to America.
And here we go, my life is a huge Tornado right now. There are debris flying all over the place. But I feel it is time to clean every aspect of my life and this is an important one.
Rd, you make me feel very positive, I read your words and I feel that you are right, there is life after the disaster.
By the way, do you believe in God?
Need to go, my car needs oil change, so driving to get S17 and to the dealer. Will write more later. Please, do not disappear on me again.
Huge hug (my 2 min back to you) and take care. I will tell the boys about the promise or threat. They will probably talk about it and start guessing what is the terror group you belong to.
