MLC or not, Wayward or not. You have to practice detachment and get those boundaries in place.
Practice, practice, backslide, practice...
Keep those text messages about the kids. Do not respond with defending or trying to correct her unless she is crossing a boundary.
I know the urge to respond and "let her know how it is" is almost impossible resist. Sometimes you can do it for a month and it all comes crashing down.
Time Max. Time and practice. Keep going and keep posting.
WW and I had to deal with our 15 year old cat dying last night. My S12 was very attached to the little guy and in the midst of him being upset she decided she needed to take a walk.
I allowed my emotions get the best of me and told her I was sad for her and no longer knew who she was. WW showed no emotion and shut down completely.
I ended it by telling her she was the only one that didn't want to live in our house and she should just move out so she could live her "new life". WW text me that she was sorry for everything and she would work on another place to stay.
WW woke me up to let me know our cat died and she actually broke down and cried.
We had a brief call to discuss schedules for kids and summer, WW mentioned that she might stay at a friends house at night to avoid any more confrontations. I simply replied "what ever makes you happy".
WW asked me to think about the house and what we are doing with selling it. I told her I would think about it.
Back to working on 180's and GAL.
Me42 W40 S12 D8 M:15yrs BD 3/27/15 D filed 4/27/15
WW decided staying and a friends house at night would be good for everyone. I didn't put up a fight, actually think it will help me detach.
I asked her to remove her things out of the MB and bathroom. While she has been sleeping in the guest room we continued to share the bathroom, dresser, and closet space. WW agreed but asked where she should put it all.
I replied that I didn't know but didn't need the reminder. I had to bite my tounge and resist the urge to say anything else to make me feel better about it all.
I should have done this earlier but was holding out that this would be resolved sooner. I hate that our kids have to go through this, we had a great family before the W went AWOL.
Me42 W40 S12 D8 M:15yrs BD 3/27/15 D filed 4/27/15
Had plans last night WW sent me a few texts asking when I would be home to which I replied not sure.
Spent the night catching up with some old friends didn't end up getting home until 7am. I walked in the house and WW hit me with 20 questions.
Did I sleep in my car? Is there an OW? What was I doing?
Kept it short and sweet and went to my room. WW still has not moved out of the bathroom but I was too tired to bring it up. As soon as I got into bed she proceeded to take a bath...
This normally would have bothered me but not today.
Its amazing how distracted and consumed I have been with the WW. I actually have been productive the last few days and I have some catch up to do with work.
I do not know how this will all turn out but I know that with each day I feel a little stronger and more confident about who I am.
Me42 W40 S12 D8 M:15yrs BD 3/27/15 D filed 4/27/15
Not much to report, that's not entirely bad I guess. No backsliding & very limited contact.
The only conversation has been regarding the kids and scheduling.
WW left as soon as I got home last night and stayed and a friends place overnight. I think it makes no sense since she returned at 7am to get our youngest off to school.
I continue to just agree and not spend the energy trying to make sense of anything she does.
The weekend seems to be challenging since we share the house. I have not asked her plans and will just see what happens.
Me42 W40 S12 D8 M:15yrs BD 3/27/15 D filed 4/27/15
I continue to just agree and not spend the energy trying to make sense of anything she does.
Hello Mad,
Good for you! I have been meaning to check in on your situation and finally had a chance. You must be going thru *(&^, but I think you are doing well.
I believe it was TenBook who wrote somethnig like: "Stay strong and stick with Sandi's rules. Come and update us often." I didn't go back to TB's post, but that was the meat of it. I agree 100% with TB!
You CAN do this.
Take care, ok?
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
The WW has her work cut out for her if she wants me back anytime soon.
Max,
You're very welcome and you made good points.
I love your last statement so much. Keep your chin up! (Sounds like you are.)
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Not much to report in terms of news. The WW continues to press on with her plans of a new life. WW informed me that she is renting a storage unit to start moving stuff.
WW asked if I wanted to share her storage unit and I said I would get my own. WW asked how I was doing with everything and I just said that I was good and kept moving.
For the first time I felt like my response was not a lie. The reality is I love my wife, not the person she is today. I can no longer wait for her to wake up and see the destruction she is causing our family.
The WW continues to stay at a friends and last night the kids and I were watching a movie snuggled up on the couch when she said her goodnights. I saw her out of the corner of my eye pausing to catch my response...there was none. I remember thinking, as she stood there staring with her bags in hand, what a sad lonely person.
The only expectations I have at the moment are ones of happiness. GAL has been on the backburner this weekend since my S12 has been sick. I have stayed busy working on my Jeep and projects around the house.
I hope everyone is having a great weekend!
Me42 W40 S12 D8 M:15yrs BD 3/27/15 D filed 4/27/15
