I'm not going to give advice on what I think you should or should not have done. That's in the past.
For the future my advice is this: forget the OM. He's not the problem. He's a symptom of the problems between you and your W. Talking to him, his family, etc isn't going to change anything between your W and you for the better. Yes you should set some boundaries with your W, but your focus should be on yourself.
