First I wanted to acknowledge all the people who have come with me on this journey - either through posting here or offering insights on their own threads: the UK crew (Vanilla, Toots, Edz, Jim, Old Dog), the lovely mummies (Maybell, Ahoy, SunnyB, Raliced, Claire), the Martians (Mozza, Zues), da ladies (LisaB, Zelda, Calibri), and my mates downunder (Ggrass, Vossy) (with apologies to anyone I’ve forgotten). Weird to feel so connected to you all without ever actually meeting you. I also wanted to thank the vets who generously give their time on these forums (MrBond, Cadet, Wonka, Starsky, Sandi…and a special thanks to Labug, who posted here only a few times but guided and inspired me more than than she will ever know as I read (and re-read) her threads).
It seems many in my “cohort” have reached a point where things are as they are and we’re generally feeling ok. I’m no different in this respect. Life is good and I continue to be amazed at how much I have learned about myself the past year. I really didn’t realise how much of me had been swept up in relationship-land.
I continue to be fascinated by Myers-Briggs personality types. Being aware that I am an ISTJ makes it easier to see why I respond to situations the way I do, and why others react differently. Best of all I feel more able to accept those parts of me that I didn’t always like - it’s a package deal and while I can and do try to work on my weaknesses, I also accept that they come along with many of the things that I appreciate about myself. Being as ISTJ probably contributed to some of the problems in my M, but they also contributed to me being fairly resilient throughout its end…and explain to a large extent why I have continued to stand:
"Since the ISTJ is so willing to work hard at issues, and so tireless at performing tasks which they feel should be done, the ISTJ generally makes a wonderful, caring mate who is willing and able to promote a healthy, lasting relationship which is also a partnership.” (Source: some website)
On a separate note, the other thing I’ve been mulling over lately is if/when to start actively dating. “Plane-gate” left me a bit rattled. I confess I was flattered by the whole thing and enjoyed the male attention. But he was a married man and I had no intention on letting it go further even if my mind did get caught up a little in the whole idea. So yes, I get how easily affairs must happen. On the other hand, what I’ve learned from this is that I am going to be very vulnerable if/when I do start dating. I’m undecided about what to do with that at the moment.
As for H? Well, I can’t really see things turning around from here. I’m about a week away from a year to the day that H moved out. We can now file for D. I have no intention on doing so for now but have started to feel a bit more anxious when I open the mail box.
Throughout this I have mostly felt compassion for him, not anger. I do still have moments of sadness and have a little cry every now and then. Not in a needy way. I’m just sad that he couldn’t find it in himself to work on our M. Despite the generally ok vibes I have towards him, I have noticed that I still have difficulty wishing him well in what ever direction he goes. I mean I want him to be happy of course, but part of me still wishes that he is unhappy so that he questions his decision (still more work to do on detaching - clearly). With such limited contact - and no "inbetweeners" - I have no idea where he’s at actually….but if I play the numbers based on what I read here about WAS he may not be faring so well. That saddens me.
So…take home is I am doing well, ever discovering me and the world around me and awaiting new adventures.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
