running around like a chicken without a head

[Sotto]

Hi Depress, I think you wanting him back so desperately may be preventing you from doing those very things that may bring him back. Those things things include him seeing you as a self-respecting person who won't be a plan B, who is setting clear boundaries and is prepared to move forward/on alone if needs be.

My advice would be to stop the panicky thinking about losing him, pick up your chicken head, put it firmly on and start moving forward. Really ask yourself - why would I want to be with someone who is emotionally enmeshed with someone else? Do I value myself so little? Why is that, and what can I do about it? How can I work on my love for myself and my own inner joy?

I would love to see your posts in the near future putting your sitch, him and OW to one side for now - and purely focusing on you and your family. Working on your own strength and issues, and building your own resilience with treatment and support if needed. If you think about it - if he comes back when you are at a low ebb - and you accept him back because you fear losing him - what kind of foundation does that lay for your future relationship? Probably not a great one.

Whereas if you work on yourself and become happy within yourself, and he decides to return, and you think - really think - about whether YOU want to give HIM another chance, given the awful betrayal that has happened, that's a much healthier place to be. And the joy of all this is that you can control all of the things I am posting about.

Please draw yourself up with the greatest self-pride, self-love and the straightest spine, and really start moving forward, knowing that your DB friends are always here to help and support.

(((Depress)))