Great advice and I really appreciate everyone taking the time to reply. Thanks for the suggestion to reread Sandi's WW threads. I will do that tonight for sure!
Journaling: I just dropped off the kids with STBX. I had on a new outfit and I was looking sharp, but appropriate. I kept the immediate conversations about the kids and told her a story about D4 from school. STBX did make a comment that she tried to call me earlier. I told her that I must have missed it when I was out with S1. I'm not sure she was convinced by that answer but, oh well, fake it till you make it. Before I could think, I asked if everything was alright (I know! It's second nature) and she said yeah. I played with D4 for a few minutes and then said my goodbyes. STBX walked to the door to let me out. She wished me a good day back to work tomorrow. I said thanks, smiled, and wished her a good time with the kids.
That was it. I didn't want to linger like I was looking for her breadcrumbs or something.
Because STBX mentioned the missed phone call, my hunch is she will call me later to talk about whatever it was she wanted to talk about this morning. Should I go fairly dark until Friday, my next night with the kids?
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Do not answer any calls or initiate any. If W says D4 wants to talk to you then just keep it at that. Your busy it's your time off from the kids.
Do not ask any questions. Next time don't ask if everything is okay
Someone once told me the WAS can still sense you want them. Even if you aren't actively pursuing, it's just a way about you and the same goes for when you've dropped the rope and don't care. The poster told me even in my journaling of our interactions he could sense that.
Sorry guys. One more scenario to get your input on. STBX just texted me a cute video of kids. To reply or not to reply?
I think not.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
An update from the GAL front: just got back from seeing a movie with a buddy. Now I'm watching some baseball and just trying to relax before I have to head back to work tomorrow.
A few minutes after STBX sent the video text of kids, she called me. I didn't answer. I haven't responded yet to her text either.
We'll see how this goes. Thanks for the support and encouragement today, gang.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
No contact is hard enough when there are no kids involved (my sitch). I admire you and those DB'ers who can stay so strong when they must have contact with the WS because of the kids. God bless you and hang in there!
Me: 34 W: 30 Together: 11 years Married: 4 years BD: 4/2014 A Discovered: 5/2014 WW Filed: 7/2014 Separated: 8/2014 Divorced: 10/2015
Thriver, Thanks for the support and encouragement!
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Defacto - keep it up! I have 2 kids as well. There are times when ww will text me about things she could have the kids bring when she drops them off. Those things are not important, so I let the texts go and maybe the next day I'll respond.
I've felt like there's times she'll include something related to the kids in the text, so it SEEMS to be about them/important, but it's really not.
Watch the video, enjoy it. But you don't owe her a response on it. You can always bring it up next time you interact in person. "Thanks for the video text. I always love seeing the kids" and leave it as that.
Gives her more time to miss you, you time to GAL and PMA and the strength to make continued positive interactions when you do see her.
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Defacto - keep it up! I have 2 kids as well. There are times when ww will text me about things she could have the kids bring when she drops them off. Those things are not important, so I let the texts go and maybe the next day I'll respond.
I've felt like there's times she'll include something related to the kids in the text, so it SEEMS to be about them/important, but it's really not.
Watch the video, enjoy it. But you don't owe her a response on it. You can always bring it up next time you interact in person. "Thanks for the video text. I always love seeing the kids" and leave it as that.
Gives her more time to miss you, you time to GAL and PMA and the strength to make continued positive interactions when you do see her.
Rip, Thanks brother. Your encouragement means a lot this morning, especially because are situations are so similar. My STBX will do the same thing of using the kids as a reason to contact me about something else. I am slightly worried that STBX will come to the conclusion that I don't care about the kids and am a bad father, but I know that's not true.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Hey everyone, I have a kind of goofy question that I would like some opinions on.
As you can tell from my sitch, STBX and I are active on social media, mainly on Instagram. STBX has read a lot into who likes her pictures and who follows her on Instagram. I wouldn't put it past her to use Instagram as a method of keeping tabs on me and what I am up to. My general rule on "liking" her pictures is I will like the picture as long as it's of the kids and as long as I am not GAL'ing.
Does anyone have thoughts on this?
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Hey everyone, I have a kind of goofy question that I would like some opinions on.
As you can tell from my sitch, STBX and I are active on social media, mainly on Instagram. STBX has read a lot into who likes her pictures and who follows her on Instagram. I wouldn't put it past her to use Instagram as a method of keeping tabs on me and what I am up to. My general rule on "liking" her pictures is I will like the picture as long as it's of the kids and as long as I am not GAL'ing.
Does anyone have thoughts on this?
Yes. My thought is that you still have way too many thoughts about what your wife thinks about things you do.
