Congratulations on the race, I am very impressed and proud of you. Way to go!!
Yes, no expectations, but I really like what Pyrite posted:
"...its nice to see someone happy on these boards - so DB or not, be happy."
Enjoy the moment. We're here for you Tulo!
Your friend,
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Thank you all so much! I'm very proud that I made it and have already entered my next one. It's in 109 days so I have a few days of rest and then it's out for a new run again. I have realised that I need it, something to focus on (even though I'm doing a lousy job of it when I'm thinking of ex) and to look forward to.
I actually have done another back-track-move during my weekend after my run was over. I'm big on sending cards and when I was so happy afterwards and felt victorious I sent a few cards to my closes friend thanking them for cheering me on the road towards my run. So I sent one to ex too. I know he always liked me sending him cards, and I felt if this is the last thing we have contact over, I want to go out with thanking him for his support.
So I chose a picture of one of the huge bridges that are part of the race and wrote : "Hey you! I made it and are so incredibly happy. Thanks for all the support and pep talks along the way. It has been worth GOLD to me! Hug! /M
The gold reference is something we say in Sweden if something has meant a lot but I have also always had a special nick-name for him that doesn't really translate but is more or less "golden-Carl" and everyone knows it and among other things gave him the perfume bottle that is made like a gold bar. So gold has always been a thing between him and I.
I didn't know if he would react to the card, was totally prepared for silence but yesterday he sent back "Thanks for the card. I think you are fantastic, what an achievement! Now you just have to recharge for the next one. I'm sure that it will go even better now that you've got the momentum going! Hugs!"
I just sent a happy text back saying that I hope so and that I have 110 days to go. I was very weary not to send anything he needed to reply to. But he sent a reply anyway so we texted back and forth a few times and when I had fallen asleep I got a text saying that he's looking forward to see how I do on my next half marathon and for me to sleep well, hugs. Sent a text saying sleep tight and fell asleep pretty happy.
Still I know that I can't have any expectations. This can only be him wanting to be friends. I will wait for him to contact me now, and I hope hope hope that he does. Until that I'm going to try to GAL as best I can. But it's so hard guys.
I have a question. We still have each others keys. And I know that if/when he asks for his back, I will be devastated. And even if I know this, I can't seem to work through this so that won't happen.. So do you think I should ask for us to exchange keys? Is that a sign of detachment on my part, that could be a 180 move?
Do you think he can react badly to this? What would you have done? I know this isn't up there with saving kids and houses and stuff, and I'm very aware of some of you stitches that are so hard, much harder than leave key or not, but would still be very grateful for any thoughts you might have.
Sending you all my very very best! Hugs!
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
Morning yet again and it feels hopeless. Sun is shining outside and all I can think of is the upcoming summer when I'm going to be without him. I feel like I want to go to our picnic spot and just cry all day long.
Hopefully today my DB book, found it online, will arrive. I know this has to be viewed as a marathon and not a sprint. But I'm hurting and it feels like I'm waiting for something that won't ever come true.
Today is the first day I can run again, really need it. Next week I'm seeing my therapist again. Trying to count down until then so as not give up totally until then.
This hurts so bad, again. I think I'm not going to be one of those with a happy ever after, I haven't been in previous R, and not in this one that I really thought had the qualities to go the distance. Makes me just want to give up.
Ok, needed to vent.
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
Read Sandi's rules again. He has to feel you HAVE given up on him. It's not what your heart is telling you, but it does make a difference.
Hope you have a better afternoon.
Thanks dear Huddy! You're right he has to feel like I've given up but I don't really know how to achieve that at this point.. Would you ask for the key back? Could that be a 180 thing, you think?
Will read Sandi's again, I always feel a bit better afterwards!
I wish you a great day, I'm going to try to crawl out of this hole I'm in. Hoping your L meeting goes well!!
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
Why make a big deal about the keys? If you are trying to send him a message (look at me, I'm moving on) then I suspect that will backfire IMO. Just leave it be.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Why make a big deal about the keys? If you are trying to send him a message (look at me, I'm moving on) then I suspect that will backfire IMO. Just leave it be.
Well, I'm really not wanting to give it back, but I think that if he does the move first I will be very upset and sad and feeling rejected, and maybe he'll think that I'm holding on to it and not moving on..
But I'm not scared he's going to break into my house or anything, so maybe I am better served with going dark and let him contact me.. But since you are men, what do you think he thinks regarding the key?
Haha, I'm useless.. Giving so much thought to a bloody key..
Hope you have a great day NDY, thank you so much for you reply and thoughts, will read up on your tread now..
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
But since you are men, what do you think he thinks regarding the key?
Hi
I have no idea what he thinks about the keys but if it were me I probably wouldn't give it a second thought.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Yeah, NDY has it nailed on. Forget the key. Just go dark.
Ok dear Huddy, so you also think that is best? You don't think it's a lost 180 moment I'm losing out on. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't expect it so maybe that would be a negative or a positive as he might think I've given up.
You are a man, what would you have thought in the subject? I think NDY could be right that it can backfire, but in what way do you think?
Hugs!
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
