The new normal

[Zues126]

V- you have a funny way of wording things, but I think I get what you mean. And yes, to all, nothing I was going to pursue. I am married and am not interested in confiding my sitch with a member of the opposite sex, nor to have a married woman do the same with me. I told her to read DR/DB and stand by her M, nothing more than I would say to anyone on these forums.

My post today is just about how funny it is that sometimes it takes all the tools at our disposal to navigate through the challenges we face.

This morning I got a VERY unpleasant email from STBX. It was related to her concerns about how I parent the children and was very critical and controlling. Details aren't important at the moment, the point was simply how I handled it. Everything I did to get through this was something I've learned from DB or have posted about.

1. Vent/negativity. I had to vent to a friend, but owned that I need to grow more detached so these emails don't impact me even to this degree.

2. Controlling = feeling powerless. I learned from my DB coach that when STBX acts very controlling, it is because she feels powerless. This leads to the next step.

3. Compassion. I can understand how she might feel scared about not being in control of my parenting. Her mama bear instinct kicks in and I am a threat to their best interest in her mind, and I can see that she is only reacting out of love for them as opposed to anything personal towards me.

4. Email translator. I then rewrite her email in a friendly, affirming, positive, respectful, and collaborative way. I reply to that reworded email. Sure enough, my reply fits.

Result- I was able to reply to her email without any defensiveness, dismissiveness, irritation, impatience, or defiance. She can do with it what she wants but I was able to overcome my negative emotions, find a place of compassion, and be the person I wanted to be in response to a tough situation.

I feel very empowered by my ability to get through these hurdles. Like an ant I will keep crawling over them one by one. I just think it's funny how all these tools can make the impossible seem routine