Everything is chugging along here. I may or may not have said on here that my MIL lived with us for a year. Her 3rd husband died a year ago January & she moved in with us shortly after. It turned out all she wanted was our zip code, not family. This was something I worried about before she moved & H assured me he had talked to her & she sincerely wanted to get to know her grandkids. All ended up being horse crap. We paid all her expenses, she was mean to the kids & very passive aggressive towards me. I can't begin to express how much I wanted her out of my house. She finally moved out a couple of weeks ago, so I have my front bedroom back. That's my project this week. I've cleaned out & reorganized the pantry & cabinets in the kitchen. Now I'm putting that room back the way I want it for an office/spare room & will then be able to empty out my 'Harry Potter' room. We have a small storage room under the stairs, my girls started calling it the Harry Potter room & is just stuck so now we all call it that.
School is about to get out for the summer & H comes home the end of June. D12 has hula competitions all summer so I'll be traveling with her to those. I am not a huge outdoor nature person, I like the beach. But I've made plans to go on some hikes over the summer with the kids & even agreed to go on the zipline on North Shore. Have I mentioned I'm terrified of heights? LOL this is going to be interesting. H wants for the 2 of us to take sailing classes & maybe buy a boat. And on the subject of H....
I can't say things are bad but they just seem off. I can't put my finger on what I'm feeling is going on. H spent all weekend doing some motorcycle runs for Memorial Day. Everything seemed ok Friday when he left for LA & Fridsy night. Saturday he was on the road a lot & I was busy with cookouts & such with friends. One of the prospects earned his patch Saturday, so there was a big patch party that night & a lot of drinking. One of my boundaries was no drinking. So H called & asked if he could have a shot or 2 celebrating with his new brother. I said it was fine. I've come to realize, alcohol was just an excuse & not the cause, I'm not his mother & he understands very clearly that any screwup at this stage is the end for me. So I've let that one go. It was Satueday I started noticing the tone difference in his voice. Again, can't put my finger on it but he sounded withdrawn. H did tell me that the girlfriend of mine who called to drop his bomb for him was there & she wouldn't even speak to him & barely looked at him. Could this be the cause of the off-ness? I know mind reading but it bothers me.
Now back to me....I plan to reorganize the inside of the house this week, downsize the clutter that's built up & then move on to the garage. It's driving me mad how disorganized it is! My goal is to have all this done before H gets home. For me, that's a 180 because in the past I would've waited for him to do it & just let it slide till he did. Not anymore! I'm done with the hoarding everyone is this house has been doing & I want it all clean & organized!! I found 5 bottles of laundry detergent in my pantry closet. What was I thinking?!? Probably a sale & I thought I should stock up. But I forgot I even had it!
I think I'm beginning to have a breakthrough as far as forgiving. The last couple of days I don't think about what's happened much & I feel myself just wanting to let it go. Baby steps closer. My question, when I reach the point where I'm 100% ready to let it go & put it behind us, do I tell H that or just move on & let it be? Does saying the words make a difference to H & our M? Or are they just words? I know I needed to hear his apologies to start this process, does he need to hear my forgiveness to lessen whatever remorse he feels so he can move forward too? Forgiveness is very unfamiliar for me, so as sad as this sounds, I really don't know what the other person needs from it. Advice please.
Well it's time to start dinner & figure out what to do after. I'm thinking of taking my 2 85# dogs on a walk. Hopefully they let me walk them & not them walking me!
Oh another GAL I didn't mention, I'm starting my workouts again. Time to shed these pounds & feel good about myself in that aspect again. I'm starting with a 15 day juicing cleanse with some moderate exercise than I'm going to do P90X3! Eck!!
Have a great day/evening everyone!!
M: 43 H: 40 M: 18y S17,D13 D12 IC 11/2014 BD 4/16/15 H home 6/25/15 OW2 EA 6/26/15 MC started 7/22/15 Baby stepping....
