To add to this, there are two outcomes of snooping: - you find something. But you already knew something was going on. So all you've done is cause pain to yourself. - you find nothing. But was it nothing or was there something and it got deleted? Or did you just not look in the right place? Ultimately, it's a rabbit hole that leads nowhere. Either way, you certainly haven't added trust.
So, what have you gained by snooping? Either a bunch of pain or nothing. So why bother?
This is very true Matt.. I'll try and take it to heart and stop checking that bloody FB all the time.. Very good advice!
Last edited by Cadet; 05/21/1503:16 PM. Reason: quote bracket
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
Well, thank you Tulo, I'm flattered. To tell the truth, I'm not positive where to start either. If you can't find what you are looking for, let me know and I'll do what I can to help.
Thanks!
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
Archer - The nice part about DBing is that it really is all about the LBS. The strategies and steps and everything are things you should be doing for yourself no matter what the S is doing. By trusting in the process, you'll come out the other side as the person you want to be. Ideally, that's soneone your W wants to be with.
The reason I say that is that at any time, you can decide that you don't want to be M anymore. Almost everyone's S has done things to seriously damage their Rs. The question every single person has to ask themselves all the time is whether their goal is to be married to their S. If that answer is "No", it's pretty easy to proceed from there. But it's a decision we all have to constantly re-evaluate.
Matt,
I just re-read your comment from earlier. In all the confusion I lost sight of the fact that it's all about the LBS. I need to get my act together.
Thank you
M30 W30 Married: 1 year Together: 4 years No kids 3 Dogs
Ok, guys and gals... My W has until Sunday to move out (she said she would be out by the end of the month). There hasn't been any talk about moving out for around 2 weeks.
What's the best way to bring this up again? There hasn't been any packing, and she hasn't been anywhere to go see apartments... I'm thinking she's not even planning on being out.
M30 W30 Married: 1 year Together: 4 years No kids 3 Dogs
Ok, guys and gals... My W has until Sunday to move out (she said she would be out by the end of the month). There hasn't been any talk about moving out for around 2 weeks.
What's the best way to bring this up again? There hasn't been any packing, and she hasn't been anywhere to go see apartments... I'm thinking she's not even planning on being out.
Interested to see what the vets have to say. My sit has similar connotations.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Interested to see what the vets have to say. My sit has similar connotations.
It's frustrating because I don't want to talk to her about it, but at the same time I would like to know why she isn't leaving. It just feels like it would be breaking some rule by outright asking her why she isn't packing.
M30 W30 Married: 1 year Together: 4 years No kids 3 Dogs
Interested to see what the vets have to say. My sit has similar connotations.
It's frustrating because I don't want to talk to her about it, but at the same time I would like to know why she isn't leaving. It just feels like it would be breaking some rule by outright asking her why she isn't packing.
That's how I feel. We are supposed to be selling our house but nada for weeks now. She still wants to buy me out but I have said no. However, I do believe it would be more damaging to press the subject so I'm just getting on with life until it rears it's ugly head. Unless someone has better advice.
Last edited by NDY; 05/27/1507:53 AM.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
I want her out of the house because I think that's the only thing at this point that's going to shock her into some reality. And it would be nice to not have to see her every day.
I don't think she thinks I have it in me to actually follow through with making her move out. So it would obviously be to my benefit to stick with what I originally said, "I think you should find a new place to live".
M30 W30 Married: 1 year Together: 4 years No kids 3 Dogs
