Advice Welcome, separating and W moving out soon..

[jedi]

Gan,
Agreed that feeling nothing also doesn't sound so good. Easier for sure, but not good.

Some journaling for the day:

Started NMMNG last night and finished it up this evening. Probably need to read it again, but found the following sentiment resonated with me strongly:

"One common factor at the core of every problem is fear... Fear of both failure and success".

I am realizing I've suffered from this for some time, perhaps most of my adult life. However, as I slowly make changes to myself (dropping bad habits, exercising, starting down a road to possibly an entirely different career), I can see I was scared to take the steps to change ANYTHING, because if I succeeded, then something was going to be different going forward. And if I failed, well then I was not good enough to incite change. And so it's safest to not TRY to change anything, and as things do come up try to get back to the "status quo" as quickly as possible.

I am a creature of complacency, take comfort in the known and familiar (even if bad), and have always waited for something other than myself to change my life in the way that I truly wanted.

For me, my main goal right now is to reverse this, and as expected it's scary. It is also however much less scary today than it would have sounded 2-3 months ago.