I thought everything was okay....(Part 6)

[MCS]

So, it's been almost 2 weeks since my last post so I figured I'd give a little update.

I'm doing so much better. I see now that my last nine months, I've just been waiting for WW to have a sudden change of mind, but I know that it's not going to happen that way. She's been avoiding me at all costs for, I have no idea why. A part of me thinks it's because she can't validate the mean spirited person that she's made me out to be in her head, or maybe it is she still has feelings for me. It doesn't matter. I needed to take a break and it feels like this may be the point that I'm done. In fact, I am pretty sure I am. I've thought about it so much and I see that I don't want this person back without huge sweeping changes. Even if this were to happen, it's going to take a long, long time for any semblance of a R to start to form. I can't live like that for however long. I realize now how much damage has been done to our M, ourselves, our kids, our families and so on because of the A and at this point, it would be start from scratch because we are both so different than before. I see myself stronger and more confident and the opposite for her, but I can't help her with that anymore nor am I going to try.

So, I want to thank everyone here for all that this board has given me, I feel so much stronger and balanced than I did before all of this happened and without a doubt; it was because of everyone here. This is a place of healing and a Godsend for all of us.

I'll try to pay it forward as much as I can, but a part of me feels like posting here is reverting back to the pause that I have had over the last year. However, I'll keep lurking and seeing how everyone is doing. Hopefully, we all can repair ourselves regardless of the outcome of our M.

Thanks so much.