well I'm here for thread number 14 and its about the 9 months since BD and a lot has happened in that time. I can definitely think of ways i'd rather have spent the last 9 months but it is what it is.
So for those who are new or just catching up or otherwise interested here is the 10p tour - my update will follow in my next post so skip this bit if you already know my story.
My W decided she wanted out of the relationship and blames me entirely - never really had much of an explanation beyond about how 'awful' i was and that 'I was never there for her' although i do recognise there were various parts of my behaviour that fall a long way short of anything i could be proud of.
all the typical stuff followed of being really upset, writing letters, begging for a chance, asking for an explanation etc. etc.
I know from indirect sources that my W has told people that she left me because i was 'controlling and emotionally abusive'. this has worried me greatly because its not something i recognise but its obviously how she felt.
I subsequently discovered that there was OM1 which was a work colleague who she was very attracted to and actively pursued for months, and had been dating on and off throughout the period. There was also some circumstantial evidence of other OMs during the off periods.
In february my W admitted they were dating although about 6 weeks later she created a profile on a dating site. I genuinely dont know the situation now.
for reference i sometimes refer to SIL and PF (poisonous friend) as these are two key influences in her life and both are horribly negative influences.
So in house separation but with very little communication until Jan 20th when we finalised the financials and she completed the purchase of her new house.
Since actual separation there has been very little communication and what there is business like about the kids. I still get the sense that im being blamed for everything.
So thats my situation
as for me, well i've tried to understand what i actually did wrong and why i did those things and have found out a few things about me. I've stuck with regular IC and thats helped a lot for both helping me grow and processing my grief.
Its fair to say that if you've read NMMNG then you've got a pretty good summation of where i was coming from although many of the books that you see mentioned round here have a large pile of grains of truth in them.
meditation (headspace) and exercise have helped a lot in just getting myself more centred as has some of the advice when looking into a couple of other possible issues that would make a difference.
I've done my best to keep myself busy and am slowly expanding my social networks by strengthening existing friendships and trying to build some new ones too.
My relationship with my kids has never been an issue although it has been difficult at times since BD because we have all struggled with the emotions of it all. I do feel i could have easily been sucked into a deep depression but feel like i've done a good job of climbing out of that particular hole.
So now i focus on building my life as i want it on the assumption that my M is done for good but i will always leave the door open to my W because despite everything and as i said recently i still feel i married the right person for the right reasons.
so 9 months after starting this decidedly unwanted and unpleasant journey, im making progress and except for one major aspect my life is pretty good
But then again that it is a little like saying Lance Armstrong was a top bloke except for the relentless cheating
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
