So planned on having a calm day with NC. He sent an email this morning stating that he will continue to send money to us and he isn't the liar I think he is and I have never thought he was a good husband or father. That started a string of text messages and finally he picked up the phone and told me that he isn't wearing his wedding ring (its only been 2 weeks) and that he won't divorce me but he isn't coming back.
This stuff is the hardest part of DBing. They know how to hurt you, and right now, there's nothing you can do to hurt them back. In their mind, the WAS is already out of the M; you're already fired. So they don't care if you yell at them, cry to them, take off your ring. None of that matters to them.
So what can the LBS do? Bite their tongue. STFU. Let them vent; let them spew. Now isn't the time to say he's a bad father or a bad husband or inconsiderate or whatever. That's not to say that we become punching bags and doormats. But fighting and arguing is not going to lead to any positive results. Instead, we validate and nudge.
I'll also throw out there that I wouldn't have replied to that email unless there was some kind of urgent question. I don't think you should get yourself into text "battles" with enough messages to require a phone call.
Just remember, this is going to take MONTHS. You can't get him to change his mind in on conversation. You CAN make him dig in his heels in one conversation though. If an email comes, let it sit for a few hours. Contemplate. Heck, post it. The key is to act rationally and without your emotions clouding your way. We need to become the lighthouse - calm, serene, collected.
