No problem! I want to return the favor to anyone because I owe so much to this board and the people who helped me. I required a lot of hand holding and detailed guidance! I was so afraid to do the wrong thing. There isn't one thing that will make or break your sit here - it is about consistency.
You should do some homework and read Sandi's WW threads. She was once a WW and has a TON of insight. She was also super helpful to me (along with many others). It took me awhile to get the hang of DB and once you get it you realize it is quite simple. For me I feel like I one day stopped being so concerned with how H perceived me. I was more worried about my own happiness.
My best advice is to create some boundaries first and foremost. you want to be a good coparent but you also deserve to have a life with the kids without W checking up on them and calling all the time because, let's be realistic, if you do D and remarry ... When you have the kids on your time you aren't going to be speaking several times a day to talk about the kids.
She needs to feel what it's like to lose you, that's the only way she will really decide if she ever wants to find you again. You have to make her miss you. That's why it's so important to be the best you when you do get the chance to be around her. Not pushy like you are trying to show yourself off but to be genuine.
I would ignore the calls but that's just me. Maybe Starsky has some better advice but I would ignore and if she texts just say.. Something along the lines of hey sorry I was in the middle of something. If she continues To push you should make it known that you're only interest is to discuss the children. I would limit this to text or email (also so you have a record of conversation and interactions if need be). Plan out a schedule in advance. I am a nurse also so I know my schedule at least 6 weeks out. Make the schedule as far as both of yours allow. Less reason to interact. I would absolutely not be asking her to spend time together or asking about her day. Let her OM meet those needs.
If she does call when. You have the kids you don't necessarily want to ignore her but maybe it's time to have a talk regarding this..
An email or text.. Hey W I've been thinking about this and I think in order for us to both spend quality time with the kids we should agree to one call a day or at night this way the other parent gets to speak to the kids but that we don't have to feel so tied to the phone. Let me know your thoughts on this. I want what's best for everyone and think we all deserve some down time too.
Boundaries.
When she starts to talk about work maybe you could be busy -- oh hey the kids just spilt something, I've gotta run. Etc.
You're not her H, you're not her friend. You're the father of the children. Not your job to listen to her about her day -- but always be POLITE!
