Here is an angle you might not have thought about yet. Just mentioning it because that's where I think my personal LD problems started. Have you ever had a fight about something sexual? Like, a real fight.
For my husband and me, it started even before we got married: he started those stupid, cliche 'you're not going to stop doing this after we get married, right?' comments, which just annoyed me immensely. I had no intention of stopping anything after we were married, but by those generalized, pop-culture comments triggered my own pop-culture, over-developed feminism comments like, 'it's my body and if I don't feel like it etc.'. Though somewhat legit, these notions are just so much coming from 'outside' your relationship that it destroys the intimate bond of just the two of you, being special, being different. Those things you can get over once you take a step back and laugh about it.
Our second problem became our biggest problem. In our relationship, I had been the virgin, and he had not. That was ok until he made a stupid comparison to his buddy which was meant to be a joke, but it broke my heart, and I have never recovered from it. Even though that might not be the problem for you, I'm pretty sure there is always an underlying problem between someone who has experienced sex with other people and someone who has not. Maybe you could try and talk about that issue with your wife, to find out if that might have some small part in the psychological side of the problem.
Just a thought, I guess suggesting that is somewhat therapeutic for me too.
Best of luck to you, and hang in, because if everything else is great, you have the strength to fix it together.
