Been a bit since I've updated .. I have been around reading and posting here n there.
I have noticed W seems to have pulled back, not sure if she is going back into crisis mode ...I lean more towards her trying to figure things out .. you can almost see she is trying to come to grips with the new person she is, like watching a baby giraffe walk for the first time.
There is a new detachment going on .. usually this would be my cue OM is back around, but from the STFU intel she told me she is being 'selfish' and figuring out herself .... I almost laughed at the 'selfish' remark as I can not recall her any other way.
She took a class on Sunday for her photography, she really enjoyed it ... I was happy she did .. she shared that she met a new friend (female) and they hit it off, this is hard for her so I shared that I was happy about that. She went about her day, did shopping and came by to pick up S, said she had produce so she had to leave .... vibe has been off lately so I told her that was fine, I stayed home and watched a few shows... declined her half hearted invite to come over.
Yesterday I woke early, went for a nice walk with the dog, did some house cleaning ... she TM asking what the dog and I were doing .. we agreed to meet up around noon and go for a hike .. I showed up about 30 min late knowing they would not be ready ... she noticed .. I told her its a holiday and I was taking my time (180 for me ... Mr Prompt) The hike was a bit frustrating for me, S brought his bike and was struggling a bit .. she had her headphones on and just kept going while I was helping him ... not just once but during the entire 2 hours. I did not voice anything but just thought .. wow .. its like she is back in the tunnel and totally self absorbed again.
After we went to the batting cages for S, she asked if I recieved an email from BIL2 and his 50th Bday party ... I told her I had'nt ... she was upset as she did not get one either only found out from BIL1, made a few comments about BIL2 and I simply stated "I wish you got along better with him" ... she heard this as "You are a horrible person and no one likes you any more" So she started in on me a bit on the way home, we were going to go to my place and she was going to take a nap while I made dinner for S .... instead I drove straight to her place and dropped her off ... she asked why I un-invited her to my place, I told her I was not going to spend the day fighting.
A few long spew TM where she spun out followed .. I did not reply ... then she calmed down and TM a bit after telling me things like I expect her to be close, why would she do that so fast (I had to bite my STFU stick on this) She is trying to figure herself out ... she is chasing her dreams she set aside 20 years ago...I tell her she looks fine but dont encourage or support her when it comes to looking better (Yet it was me who suggested we go hiking rather than sitting and watching a movie)
So either she is heading back into the tunnel, or maybe she is just closing the doors ... time will tell .. she did calm down and state we have alot of issues and thats why we are going on the retreat ..... I am all for fixing this marriage but I just do not know if W is someone I want to be with anymore .. she is still so self absorbed, if she does not want to do something she will not do it ... yet she expects to be entertained (said there was not fun between us, no excitement .. during spew) I noticed I am different around her ... like I am on SpewWatch 2015 and its hard knowing any mis-step, bad word, stumble results in Monster mode still .... no thanks I was better off alone.
