Wow, that's great gb! I was just saying u wondered if detaching would come across as too uncaring, but you're saying detaching is what we do when we are away to give us the strength to have positive non pursuing interactions with ww, that we end on high notes.
That's a great way to look at it.
If a wayward wife is living with OM or openly and notoriously dating OM, you don't have these kind of conversations at all. Instead I think you fight the affair directly but that's another thread another day.
If a wayward wife has filed for divorce and served you, you might second guess having these conversation until she takes the step of actually putting the divorce on hold or dismissing it.
Defacto may not have these conversation for another month yet...because he is not the one pursuing such conversations. He just needs to be prepared for it if and when it happens and by answering questions with questions he can sort of lead his wayward wife to herself lead the conversations in that direction (since she's the one doing all the talking and answering).
Notice too...by detaching he's got HER asking questions about what he's doing and with whom. He's got her calling, texting and generally blowing up his phone. If he completely avoids responding...she'll just stop. Girls don't chase forever and eventually a man has to step up and pursue the woman he loves. A betrayed husband has to do this very carefully, without expectations and in an internally detached strategic manner. It helps to have a slightly cocky arrogance essentially acting confident that you are the superior choice for her, you know it and she's either going to figure that out or her loss.
Betrayed husband's need to be let in on the secret. YOU ARE HER SOULMATE. God choose you for her. You are her perfect mate. God didn't and doesn't make mistakes. She can try to deny that all she wants and she MAY eventually divorce you to be with OM or anyone else but that doesn't make it less truthful or prove God wrong. She has free will. She can deny God's gift for her. You can't stop her from denying it, but just knowing that should give you some confidence knowing you can do or say just about anything and it's perfect because it's supposed to be you and her together. See the humor in her rejecting you and that truth. She's struggling to justify a lie (that you two don't belong together). Don't compare yourself to OM, he'll never be anything compared to you. You aren't competing for her with OM or anyone. You've already been declared the winner by God. You fight for her because it's the right thing to do. To cherish her in good times and bad, in [wayward] sickness and health. Because you took an oath to do so. If she ends it and gives you a certificate of divorce, your obligations end at that moment.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!