What is different about me since my W and I got married? Back then, I had a job that made her proud. I was more self-assured and confident... some of that has slipped as I have fallen into working on our business, instead of my career. She thinks I just go along with whatever she wants to do, instead of asserting myself. Physically, I was probably 20 pounds lighter - going from running a school to writing impacted my daily physical activity.

So, the weight is coming off no problem, as pretty much all I can stomach eating these days are green smoothies! I'm having a tough time faking the confidence right now, as I really don't feel confident about my professional life at the moment. But I'm working on it. I am taking charge more, being detached and assertive about things, setting boundaries and being firm. I think if there are two things that she would notice the most if I have a chance, it would be getting back in shape (of course, and I want that too), and her feeling like she can depend on me to take charge of things... financially, and perhaps in other areas of our lives. I have ceded too much power to her - which she likes on the one hand, but also doesn't like on the other.

I think she sees those things in the OW, so I've got some tough competition right now. My hope is that in time, as she sees desired changes in me, the instability of this other woman (who I swear is just a lonely opportunistic nutjob) will emerge in contrast to her remembrance of just how loving and supportive I have always been. The improvements she wants to see are just the icing on a cake she's forgotten how much she loves - because it's not that exciting, and it's not the kind of distraction she wants from everything else that's blowing up in her life.

Wonka, what is your story? I know you are a serious veteran here. How did your situation turn out? How would I find your story on these boards?

Me: 46 Her: 41
M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18
3/26 W and I meet OW
BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring
W goes to stay with OW 6/26
NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16
I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19