Anxiously waiting for it to fall apart

[25yearsmlc]

accidentally hit submit and then took too long to edit post....

25yearsmlc - I am not sure if your quibbling is to make me think or trying to get me off the MLC board, but have found a connection to many of the journeys here.

I guess it's hard to know what someone means with the written word, when we can't see their expression or hear their tone. A lot of miscommunication happens.

Maybe that's why you thought I was directing my "quibbling" comment to you, but I was referring to myself quibbling. And I was making the remark to 123gwen (sp?).

Also I didn't even notice that this was the 'MLC" forum when I came to your thread, Another veteran asked to visit your thread & so I did.

So no, I am not at all trying to get you off this board or the DB board or any board.

I think you should post in the place you get the most helpful & numerous replies.

But maybe there's a bit of a lesson in this b/c I feel as if you did some mind reading here. Food for thought.


I am very grateful for direction and resources which have provided explanations and thought-provoking journeys. Perhaps the MLC is used too frequently,


if you read my words about the term "MLC", without making inferences, you'll see my reasons for saying it's used too often.

As I said before, somewhere around here I think,

regardless of whether the spouse is a WAH or a MLC H -- the course of action is the same for the LBS. That's a pretty crucial fact to keep in mind.


I have no idea as I am not a psychologist, just a woman looking for answers. Using the MLC label only seems to be a big problem when people use it as an excuse rather than a wake-up call.

I have learned tons thru this process! I have accepted behaviours from H that most emotionally healthy people would have flagged and have the sense to leave the relationship. I realise that much of this goes back to issues in my childhood where my emotional needs were not met due to a tragedy. I have developed a greater understanding of how I got to this emotional spot ... now I must decide WHAT I am going to do about it. This answer is not as obvious - as H is going thru a period of emotional enlightenment as well. What I am trying to decide - is H showing true emotional growth which will lead to a deeper connection or just another delay tactic to keep me on the emotional hook.

Read ^^ this to yourself, maybe out loud, a few times. See if anything nags at you.

Job - I am making 6 sets of curtains/roman blinds for the house - 2 sets are for windows which are 14' wide x 10' long! I find it hard to concentrate on logical tasks when I am in emotional meandering, so curtains are not getting done as fast I would like.

Sometimes these tasks are exactly what we need to get our minds/hearts OFF our spouses, so that we can finally begin to GAL and Detach.

Deejay, you've done a lot of personal work, I'm sure. Good for you. Still, you have been in the situation quite some time now & yes, I'd really like to hear about your GAL and 180s and Detachment work.

Sometimes it's good to get back to the DB basics.

Make sense?