Hi, I am not a therapist either, but even if there is a pre-existing pattern in a marriage, we are the experts in whether something has radically changed .
I think what you are saying makes perfect sense - there was a pattern of being apart more than you liked but which in some way suited your h and you too - or at least you were able to tolerate it. Then it changed. Looking back it is easy to say 'there was always disengagement' but there was also engagement. Now there isn't.
In my experience MLCers disengage from all they once loved - even if it was in their own odd way!
