We are over, now what?

[Tulo]

Hey guys!!

I can hardly believe it, but I did it! And it went so much better than I thought. The track had 4 major hurdles in it, 1 pretty long and steep hill, 2 massive bridges and one looooong avenue with a steady climb and I just went trough them in my steady pace and finished my run in 2:13:57 and I even had some power spared due to to many people in the way so hard to run faster than I did.

Today I can hardly walk, but I'm so happy that I did it! Thanks for support!

Just as I had written my post about my nightmare I got a text from ex saying that he wished me luck and that he'd be thinking about me during my run. It made me happy, and it felt good that he did that.

I sent him a Glympse before I started (so that he could track me during the race) maybe not so NC as I should but this has been a year in the making and I didn't want it to become a DB thing.
He sent back immediately that he kept his fingers crossed and to have a good run. I could tell from the app (when I was done) that he had been watching me along the track and I sent him a picture of me with the medal. He sent back that he thought I was so great to have done this and that he hoped I had a great time. He finished off with a hug and I felt so happy that I had done it and that he had thought of me.

I went to the hotel (that I have booked for him and I, a year ago) with my niece and had the longest shower ever. At around eight o'clock in the evening I just felt like I wanted to talk to him, so I did strike 101 on my NC thing and gave him a call. He didn't pick up. Made my gut go bananas, but I tried to think that I wasn't going to let this ruin my day.

It took like 15 minutes and then I got a text saying that he hadn't heard the phone, but if I could call again, please do so because he really wanted to talk to me about the race and how it all had gone.. So I did and he sounded so sweet on the phone. (I could totally read more in to tone of voice than I should)

We spoke of the race and he said he'd been watching me and been worried all day about me. -What, worried about me? Why? -I was just so worried you would over do it and something would happen to you..

He also said, as I said that I really thought that he should try to run it again (he did it 21 years ago but has been very firm on the fact that he'd NEVER run it again) and suddenly he wasn't totally against it but said that he might have to rethink his decision never to do it again..

We spoke of his boat his working on, and about his son and lots of other stuff and talked for a total of 45 minutes, and it felt so normal and good with a very good feeling. We said goodbye as it was time for Sweden in the Eurovision and then he sent me a mms with the pictures of his boat, and the progress.
I had told him during our talk, that I wanted to come along on the boat once it's finished and he said that of course I should. (The boat won't be finished until next year.)

Anyway.. What do you think? Am I wrong to feel a little bit of hope? I'm going back to waiting for him to make contact now, don't want to push. But for him to spend 45 minutes with me on the phone on a Saturday, talking about maaaaybe wanting to do that run and stuff felt a little bit like a step forward.

But I could be totally wrong and this is just him being "friends"..

As I woke up today, I felt this longing I have in my heart. Summer is on the way and I can't believe that we're not going to go on picnics any more and it fills me with such sadness..

I know you all are going through stuff, and have no clue what's happening at the moment but think of you often!
Hugs!