Things are fairly decent and quite steady in my world but I'm human. So like most humans, I want more. This "more" consists of a greater physical relationship with my wife. I really miss this, and feel like eventually something has to give.
I've been making my desires known, because I need to for my well being... and I can. No walking on eggshells, no STFU.
Bottom line is she is not ready. But I have planted some seeds and will allow them time to grow.
I tried something new (and a bit shocking ) a little while ago that didn't quite "work" as I had hoped... but it also didn't blow anything up... And it did spark a constructive conversation the next day, and more importantly, some movement.
I stressed just how important a physical relationship is to me. Said I didn't want her to be surprised when I could no longer do without.
She says I'm a great guy and she "Loves" me, but is not "attracted" to me and never was. (this "Never was" is actually good to hear, because I know it's not true and can change!)
Knowing she doesn't have an OP, I asked if she thought she'd ever want a physical relationship with a man again. She said probably some day, but she's not looking for anyone now. (this is nothing I didn't already know, but Yay us! Right?)
We live together and talk enough that it's quite apparent to me that she is still in crisis. She still occasionally makes comments of "having nothing", and one time even mentioned about how it was difficult to look in the mirror.
My poor sweetheart! If you only knew how special you are!
But the crisis seems nothing like it was a couple of years ago. There have been some changes for the better... mostly she is not as uncomfortable as she was. So maybe I need to allow moooooore time? All I know is I'm getting itchy, so I'm making it known... constructively.
I do every thing I want, and am generally happy with my life. I just want a little action with my wife again. Honestly, it wouldn't even take that much, honey!
But it's not just about what I want, it's about what my wife wants too. So here we are.
In a few days we will be going away to a luxurious, all inclusive resort together! This is something my wife booked for us through her work (at great discount... we're both cheapskates and our savings keep piling up) The trip will be a chance to relax, have a good time, and get to better know each others thoughts and feelings. I know she is a bit uncomfortable with it because she doesn't want anything physical. My plan is to continue to be myself and let things play out. Wish us well!
Life is all about perspective. It will always be a struggle as long as we see it that way. In her chapter on MLC, Michele tells us we need to “Find our own goodies” while our spouse is out finding themselves. How we do that is completely up to us, but I do know it is very important! If we are struggling, or are not happy, WE need to fix it. No one else can do it for us. Not only will doing this "save" us, but it will make us more attractive too.
Bust On, everyone!
Last edited by ForeverYoung; 05/25/1505:15 AM.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
) a little while ago that didn't quite "work" as I had hoped... but it also didn't blow anything up... And it did spark a constructive conversation the next day, and more importantly, some movement.
