Maybell XXXV: Almost There

[Maybell]

So as far as updates go... Not much to report. STBX sent me a long email explaining his thinking in the settlement he offered and it was an exercise in looking out for Number One, and hey, why aren't you looking out for me too? All basically indicating that he has no real idea who I am or what it means to have fired me from the job of taking care of his interests.

Now that the house is showable (and has been showing, and I'm scared it's going to sell sooner rather than later and then I'll have to cope with the MOVE), I've realized it's time to buckle down on the whole simplifying scheme and I'm a little nervous about it. I'm starting in my office because it's egregious and ought to be the easiest to clean out and I find myself unfortunately getting nostalgic for all the kid art and stuff that's in there. Looking forward to getting my consultation tomorrow.

I'm feeling like I haven't been adequate at the parenting thing like I'd like to be lately. I was a little short tempered today and I feel badly about it but honestly, HOW MANY TIMES do I have to say PICK UP YOUR SHOES AND PUT YOUR DISHES AWAY? And D12 did a little button pushing all day today, till I finally let her go up to my room to watch a movie, then she had the nerve to complain that no one left her alone all day. ???? She had the movie time, which she cut short because she was bored. Hung out with me looking at houses and Pinterest for a while, didn't want to go spend time with her friends, didn't want to play the game the boys and I were playing (and made it miserable for all of us till I fired her). I get that she's frustrated and everything but I wish I could help her figure out how to navigate that without making everyone around her miserable.

I have next weekend off, then the next two with the kids, then a weekend off, then the family vacation. And somewhere in all that I have to manage a full-time job, the end of the school year, selling the house and moving, etc., and OH the divorce is probably going to heat up because STBX doesn't really listen to his lawyer.

Good times.

A lot else is going well for me but I'd really like to be past all this because it's hard to feel like I'm moving forward in my life when all my energy is going into wrapping up this phase of it.

No, I'm not dating and no one is on the horizon either. And sometimes I'm really OK with that and sometimes I'd love to have someone who I just say "Hey, I want to see this movie" and he'll go and hold my hand or put his arm around me and we can nestle in and enjoy things together. But that won't happen till I'm in a stabler place with myself and I'm not sure when that will be.