Btw, I would not monitor for improvements or changes in him, for at least 90 days.
Did you mean not to check on R with H and/or his behavior toward me and the M? Skhdive,
I mean 2 things, one is about what to do if/when your h mistreats you AND the second is your over all approach.
1) if your h is rude to you, you can address the rude behavior when it happens. Don't accept it. Leave the room or hang up the phone or whatever, WHEN it happens.
Give him a warning "h, don't talk to me like that. I Deserve better" and then make your point, OR if he interrupts you, say "please don't interrupt me. As I was saying..." and then finish your point. Do NOT wait for an apology.
But IF he repeats the behavior, e.g. he berates you or spews or interrupts you again,
YOU LEAVE THE ROOM (or hang up the phone) with a BRIEF remark like "I'll talk to you when you are calmer" or "when you can be civil".
Again, do not wait for a reaction on HIS end. YOU Control the interaction and that means you control your behavior.
Make sense?
2) Secondly, STOP asking him about the marriage or the future. It's right in the "rules" that Sandi has printed and I've printed and that you say you have read.
It is one of about 3 KEY concepts you must adopt. I don't think you really believe me. B/C you continue to ask your h for reassurance (no matter what you think you are doing, that's a huge part of it and it's NOT something your h can do for you).
Meaning, he will NOT suddenly slap his forehead and say "Oh, wow, I just realized I've been a fool. I'm coming home now to recommit to our marriage. Thanks for reminding me with another temperature check."
Okay?
Or did you mean take everything that happens for the next 90 days with H with me following your advice. Thanks.
^^The latter. That does Not mean that on day 91 you ask him what he's thinking/feeling or about to do.
It means you assess how YOU feel about how things are going and whether YOU can keep it up for, say, another 90 days. And you take it in those time chunks.
If you are GAL FOR REAL, his choice will not matter as much.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
