I still want to be there for my W, it's so hard to turn that off. I know that's normal, but I never acted like that during the last few years. That what has me going. I can't figure out why I would do that, if I feel this way now. Is it really what I want or is it false emotions because of the fear and losing her. I'm still not contacting her, I had to text for kid stuff, but that was it short and sweet. It's been all about control for me though. I want everything to be my way. I don't want to have something happen outside my control. I've learned that growing up, I held everything in, didn't want to express myself. Every time I hurt, I just wanted to push it away, and try to make it better right away. The only confrontation I knew was bitter, fight to win, not to agree. I will stick to a newer me this time though.
