And yes, sandi, she made it known that she would like to go to dinner tonight.
Are you clairvoyant?
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No, just familiar with the script.
Still keeping your weekend plans, I hope.
What you've listed as part of the piecing plan is good.
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She needs to acknowledge the pain that she caused. Not only to me, but my kids, her kids, and the grandchildren.
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Her remorse is extremely important. IMO, when she gets over herself, and truly feels remorseful for what she has done to you and the M, her kids and grandkids will come under that umbrella. Whether she acknowledges them name at thtissue time as "you", IDK. It is more important that she acknowledges you, and she may include the family. Am I making sense? She may be very broken hearted at what she's done to you, so let her recognize that part, before you start going down the list with her. .
Right now, she may be in the first stages of remorse, b/c she has started experiencing some of the fallout of the A (maybe), and she has said she's sorry for the mess. But I still think it's more her feeling sorry for herself, ATM. She is trying to say only the minimum things she believes will get her back in her home again. That is why I continue to tell you to be very cautious and don't jump the gun. Make her work for it.
Speaking of the hurt she's caused her kids and GK, she will have to mend those fences without expecting you to do it for her. I mean, she may not ask, but some women fall back on that old "helpless" role, and cry that they will never be able to forgive her, etc. That is not you cue to assure her everything will be fine, yada-yada. Leave it to her to work on the R with them. Let her do the talking and working with them.
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Counseling is a must. Definitely MC and I would hope IC, although that has to come from her.
Yes, a good therapist to guide you during the reconciliation & piecing is very important. Piecing is hard! Some couples have made it to piecing, but couldn't make it through piecing. The work has just started when you reach piecing. Make sure you have a qualified therapist who works with couples healing from A's. Some hole-in-the-wall MC can mess up people's lives, b/c they have limited training.
You are sounding stronger.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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