The Beat Goes On

[LoisB]

Mighty,

In my case, reading all the above would get me really spinning.

Break it down.

There's plenty to think about here with what will forever be known as the "Walmart incident." I'm almost sad you didn't say, "You MF whore homewrecker!"

Or...

"Hey Slut!"

"Gotten yourself knocked up by anyone else's husband lately?"

"Yo Mother-effer, howz that STD? Any better?"

:-)

I know you will protect yourself. You're a smart cookie. You have D14 to back up the truth. Deep breath.

Trust your instincts, they are your GPS. I think there are a few simple things you could do to protect yourself without turning this into some sorta extended Jerry Springer.

1. Video at Walmart? Maybe just ask the question. Could call Walmart. How do you go about getting the video.

2. Looking at the police report?? IDK...with support physically around you. Although, I wonder if this is really necessary. I mean, there was no incident. I would imagine the video and D14's truth would support your version of events. We already know they are bast--ds. I suspect the police report is just another example.

Even if the dazzling duo have some nefarious plan...it's difficult to make it happen when you have seen her how often? ONCE in a year to 2 years???

BOTTOM LINE:

I think recovery from the trauma of losing a spouse to an affair--matched with a bastard child takes some patience and time to get past. DUH.

There are going to be episodes of venting and despair that we would rather forget. Moments where you lose yourself.

Telling Matt "Size DOES matter" comes to mind :-) Don't regret it a bit. And, I hope it hurt.

Or...when I threw the cool Easy Rider shirt I gave him into the garbage. That was fun.

I loved him intensely and I grieved him intensely.

Today, 3 years after he left, he is the least relevant in my life than he's ever been. I'd say he comes into my thoughts 15% of each day. Quite a change from the 24/7 I used to experience.

There will be times you will lose your shid and explode. Period.

It doesn't make you the lesser person. How can you be lesser than this crazy ho? YOU can't. She is a sad, sick person.

Seeing the woman who was impregnated by your at-the-time husband...well, let's just say, in my opinion, there are times a person is allowed to lose their shid and unload on someone who treated you and your children so badly. There's value in defending your territory. And, especially with daughter, I think expressing the rage is VITALLY important.

Us girls are far too nice and tend to stuff the ugly stuff...then, we turn on ourselves. You didn't. You directed your anger at the source.

You don't do it everyday and you don't wake up each morning with an agenda to avenge your offenders.

You lost your temper. Dealt with some silly accusations and will get on with things. Your daughter will see the strength in speaking up, losing your temper and moving on.

Far better lesson in my opinion.

In my case, I watched my mother sit back and take years and years of abuse, only to be left by her husband for a secretary and smile...even now...whenever she sees the OW. For the past 25 years, my mother has swallowed the anger. And, my mother is miserable and eats her feelings.

My siblings and I would have given anything to see our mom, even today, call her a bit-- to her face. It would have been so refreshing to see our mom admit to the nasty things she felt and thought about this fairly awful woman. She doesn't. She takes the high road and pretends.

My goal in recovery isn't to become Mother Theresa. Their gonna talk and judge you no matter what you do. They are cra-cra...that's what crazy people do.

In my experience...Give yourself as much distance as you can so you can safely feel what you need to feel without the temptation of putting yourself in a position where situations like Walmart can happen.

Safely Express it. Let it OUT. Move on. Keep it in check when you have to. Don't go to jail.