I have had a couple of days to calm down and a lot of cleaning time to think about it. I also talked to a couple of g/fs who just want me to be happy.
I do agree with you both - this still has to come from him, especially while ow is still on scene.
Originally Posted By: 123Gwen
The one thing that was a real red flag to me was H asking you to contact him. You have not blocked all avenues of communication
H did not ask for contact, he asked me why I don't contact, especially as we agreed to co-parent because despite our b's being older they still ask for guidance and advice and its good to both be on the same page with them.
He has reconnected with them both which is great and once away from ow he will be able to have more to do with them - I think that they will help him continue on his decision to leave her as he told me that he came close to losing them and he would have hated that. In a "can't admit it way" I feel he is pleased I came back to them and not had them come to me.
He has made it clear that the ball is in my court as for me contacting him. He said that whilst he would like me in his life and he misses my friendship, that he has no right to expect it after what he has done, this really is MY decision, what is best for me.
The problem we face is that he does not want to pressure me in to contact or keep contacting me as he does not feel he has the right to do so after all he has done and I don't want to contact him as it may still come across as pursuing but more the point of opening myself up to possible hurt again - a part of me still loves him, being in contact concerns me as I worry that I will fall back in love with him and him never feel the same way about me, hindering me moving forwards - funnily enough I don't worry about it being the other way around. I hope this makes sense -
He has opened his door a crack and I have to decide if I will peak in or not - will curiosity get the better of me
As for the avenues of communication - he only had access to me by email, which he did every few months. When I returned to NZ he asked s21 for my mobile number and s gave it, then told me that he hoped that was ok - too late by then - you need to know that both s would love to have us back together, M&D.
We talked about her, not anything personal, we just spoke about some of the things she has done - what he has got himself in to. I feel he will need quite a bit of time afterwards to get over her and what she has done to him, he feels trapped right now, she holds him responsible for her happiness and when he does not deliver she punishes him by harming herself or him. He knows it is a kind of abuse and its got to stop.
I am glad he reached out to me, no matter what he has done (and yes I do have a evil smile inside me knowing that life has not been rosy for him and that she turned out to be a nutter) I do still care and that makes me the better person.
Like you pointed out job - I don't want to be plan b .... I dont get the impression this is the case, I am not a plan anything in his head, just a friend to talk to - but as we know, only he knows what he is thinking .....
To get myself back on track, to refocus on me again and continue on my path I have decided to (my g/f's have badgered me into it) visit the UK next June which gives me a year to save up and something to look forward too. They are holding a charity event so I would like to be a part of that.
I have also started thinking about where I want to go from here career wise, as if it involves going back to school I need to come up with a where and when plan for next Feb (start of school yr here). I am also giving up my motel job, it served me well and I think part of me said yes to staying because I am useless at saying no to people, but this new job is physically demanding and I am seeing that I really need to have my 2 days down time. It also means I can go see g/f and my s21 which will be an overnight trip.
GAL is not doing too well, but that is because I seem to be either at work or asleep ! Something needs to change.
