The Journey Continues: Wayward Wife & LRT (4)

[Defacto]

Defacto-

You really have come a long way but I think you're still 'stuck' and I really believe your W know she still has you on the rope.

Now that you know she is in contact with OM what are you going to do? What's your game plan now? Are you going to continue more of the same or really let her go?

Let me ask you this - if you turned back time and you went to the time you and W were dating and you found out she was seeing someone else, how would you react? Would you be pining over her? Or would you say I deserve better in my life?

I think you need a strong stance. Sandi advocates for the man to be a MAN. The attractive, independent guy your W knew that wouldn't put up with this sh!t.

You know your W is with OM and you still fill her in on what you're doing? I think it's time for more boundaries and less talk. Don't get me wrong. I think it's great you two can coparent and get along but I don't think there should be any family days. She has chosen another man ... So that cuts you from her life as her husband and as a family unit. The family dynamic has changed.

You don't have to be rude but you can be matter of fact still with a smile on your face and polite. She needs to feel what it's like to lose you because I don't think she feels that right now.

I made all the mistakes and many more. I wanted H to spend time with us as a family. I stupidly asked and got led on but it never happened. I asked knowing he was with someone else. It was stupid. When I stopped asking and stopped giving a you know what he noticed. I wasn't available and I didn't care if he showed up anymore.

I'm sorry for the 2x4s but I say all of this with love. I want you to be successful - whatever he outcome is if it is D this dynamic needs to change regardless.

Let her go. You will be happier I promise. Go out enjoy yourself and stop filling her in. Be mysterious.

T0,
I sincerely appreciate the constructive criticism. It means a ton because I know it comes from experience and success.

You are right that this week has been tough for me in the detachment department. I've definitely backslid in this area. I'm off from work so I have a lot of extra time on my hands that I have not used as productively as I could have. And, you are right, I definitely deserve better. It should make me angry and even more resolute to know she still continues to engage with OM.

In regards to family days, they used to be a weekly occurrence. But since BD in early January, we've done something resembling a family day only once, and that was a few months ago. My motivation for inviting STBX this time was simply to try something different. Honestly, I was leery of even inviting her and a little relieved when she declined.

In response to sharing too much information with STBX, I'm assuming you are referring to my personal life. As their mother, I feel she still has a right to ask how and what they are doing to some extent. As you can read from my posts, this pretty much is all we talk about whenever it is that we talk.

STBX doesn't always ask what I'm doing but I try to be mysterious when she asks. I know I can do a better job though. I usually start with being vague but will reveal nonessential details if she continues to inquire further. I try to walk the line of not lying but also not coming across as childish by pretending like I'm hiding something from my parents. Suggestions and advice on tricks to being mysterious without sounding curt or silly accepted and appreciated!

Thanks again for the 2x4s!