You really have come a long way but I think you're still 'stuck' and I really believe your W know she still has you on the rope.
Now that you know she is in contact with OM what are you going to do? What's your game plan now? Are you going to continue more of the same or really let her go?
Let me ask you this - if you turned back time and you went to the time you and W were dating and you found out she was seeing someone else, how would you react? Would you be pining over her? Or would you say I deserve better in my life?
I think you need a strong stance. Sandi advocates for the man to be a MAN. The attractive, independent guy your W knew that wouldn't put up with this sh!t.
You know your W is with OM and you still fill her in on what you're doing? I think it's time for more boundaries and less talk. Don't get me wrong. I think it's great you two can coparent and get along but I don't think there should be any family days. She has chosen another man ... So that cuts you from her life as her husband and as a family unit. The family dynamic has changed.
You don't have to be rude but you can be matter of fact still with a smile on your face and polite. She needs to feel what it's like to lose you because I don't think she feels that right now.
I made all the mistakes and many more. I wanted H to spend time with us as a family. I stupidly asked and got led on but it never happened. I asked knowing he was with someone else. It was stupid. When I stopped asking and stopped giving a you know what he noticed. I wasn't available and I didn't care if he showed up anymore.
I'm sorry for the 2x4s but I say all of this with love. I want you to be successful - whatever he outcome is if it is D this dynamic needs to change regardless.
Let her go. You will be happier I promise. Go out enjoy yourself and stop filling her in. Be mysterious.
