She is feeling more reality about the mess she has caused. I think she was priming you the other night. She is still following a pattern or script of many WW's, by crying, saying she is sorry and misses her former life. But like you said, she is going all around what she should be saying...in hopes you will be the one to ask her to come back and tell her all is forgiven and can just pick up as though nothing happened. Then she has the option of more back & forth stuff.
I really hope you will follow through on your weekend plans. Do not tell her details about your plans, and do not invite her! All she needs to know is that you have made plans (if she puts you in the situation of having to tell her). This is your chance to be mysterious.
This time slot is a little tricky, but it's very important. You don't want to volunteer too much about how you feel or what you want, at the moment, b/c she needs to wonder if you want her back or has she pushed you too far. While doing this, don't sound like a ice cycle or come across as a jerk. Neither should you spread too much "butter" on her, or it will turn her off. If this is the real deal, then she's at a critical point and it could go either way. Just do not pursue her! If you act too eager to reconcile, she'll pull away. Remember, you want her to chase you, and preferably more than one time. This is the time to play hard to get (even if you are wanting her back again). So, you really have to stay balanced and focused, instead of going by your feelings.
If the timing is right, and you play it cool, she should eventually be ready to ask you if you still want to save or work on the M. That is when you tell her, "things are not that simple now". (This is an important message to relay by saying these exact words underlined, at the right time.) You are not saying you don't want to save the M, plus it places focus on the fact that things won't be that easily fixed.
Hopefully, she will be serious enough to ask you to explain what you mean, or she will tell you that she's willing to do whatever it takes. You cannot say it for her! You cannot ask her if she will do whatever it takes. Don't put words in her mouth and don't push her. Take your time and don't rush the process here.
You see, when the WW's life starts falling apart, she will want to return home (she misses her dogs, family, home, and....oh yeah, her H). It's natural to want to go back home when your fantasy falls apart, and that is what the A was all about. She's hurt, rejected, unhappy, and wants to tuck her tail and go back to her home to lick her wounds (and whatever home includes, dogs, H, etc.) I really like it when the WW does this ^ and names the animals first on her list.
If you were to take her back today, she wouldn't be ready. She would not do the work that will be needed to heal the MR. At the moment, she's feeling sorry for her situation. She wants to just say enough to entice you to open the door and say, "Come on".
If she does not go through the process that's needed, and you let her come back too easily, she will turn this back on you and will be right back where it was when she betrayed you.
She may not use the word "remorseful", but she has to feel it....for her sake, as well as the MR.
The weekend the sh't hit the fan at my house, I told my H something similar to being sorry he got hurt. If you can imagine a wayward woman saying those words as cold as ice. That was months before I made the decision to end my A. It took a longer time for me to actually feel remorseful for my behavior/actions and the terrible pain/destruction I had caused. It took even longer for me to go to my H with my broken pride and and try to tell him between my hard sobs how sorry I was for what I had done to him.....and to us. Pride? You 'betcha!! I had a lot of stubborn pride.
Have you thought about what would be necessary to get the M back on track again? Have you read about the transparency plan? I talked a little about this in one of my threads when I was discussing not letting the WW come back too easily.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
