OK, so coming off the weekend with a whole new attitude from the weekend prior, I was off and running to a good start of the week.

Wednesday, I had IC, which I was really looking forward to. On my way there, I started getting emotional. Not because I was going there, but because my drive was towards xh's and hww's work, right around the time they get out. I loathe the thought of seeing them. I even thought about people here who have to see it frequently and how I just cant stand the thought of it.

At this point. I don't care what they do. It's whatever. But, I just don't want to see it. And what really makes it so difficult is her entitled, selfishness. She just does not care. At all. You know the story... it's her world....

Anyway, I talk for awhile with my IC about how I am so fearful of seeing them... or running into her. For the most part, I have adjusted to seeing him at games and things. It's not great, but I am... OK. And I keep a good distance. But her... I really don't know what she looks like, exactly. I only saw her the one time in November, and it was for a few seconds, and it was a little....

So I was very open and honest with my IC about it. Essentially, I just am not prepared yet.

I avoid anything I can to prevent myself from seeing her... or "them." I go to the store as minimally as possible, and try to go during a time when they'd be at work. I don't go places I think she may be. I refuse to drive anywhere near their house... or her mom's house. Honestly, it's torture. I can't explain it anymore that pure terrorism.

I know, it's my own thing I need to get over. I could go on... but what's the point?

So I leave my IC and go home. As soon as I get home, d14 tells me she wants to get a lava lamp for her teacher. His broke, she really likes him (he is an older teacher, retiring next year) and there is something about him that she.... trusts. And he really likes her. He gave her a political pin he has had for 25 years, and so on....

Well he is having medical issues and d14 is really worried about him and wanted to do something nice. So... we headed off to... Walmart!

We were in there awhile just being silly and looking at things. Then, when we were leaving... guess who pulled in right behind me. Yup... you guessed it.

HWW

I couldn't believe it.

So as I was leaving, she was walking in... I said, "What up, homewrecker!" and drove home.

You can give me all the 2x4's in the world. I know, I know, I know. And really... I'm OK with it.

Five minutes later xh called me. I didn't answer.

Yesterday, I was at d14's lax game. Xh was there. Way on the outskirts, as always, bc he is humiliated with his life???? Whatever.

As I was watching the game... I got a phone call. From the sheriff dept.

About my altercation in the Walmart parking lot. OK, now we have entered full blown Jerry Springer status.

I asked him, "So, what did I do that was illegal?" He really didn't give me an answer. He was super annoyed. He said he didn't have time for this petty nonsense. I reminded him that I did not involve him. I was trying to be respectful...

I just didn't comprehend. Like, what the....

He told me if it happened again, i could be arrested. Whatever.

So, I was pretty pissed.

The three month silence was broken. I went right over to xh.

OMG... Who is this person??? I mean seriously??? There was not 1% of this person who was him. I didn't recognize one thing!

I asked him what she told him happened. He refused to tell me. (Because it is totally fabricated). I asked why he called me. He said bc I was at the store waiting for her. I informed him I was at home!

Apparently, from what I could get out of his drabble... was that I stalk and harass her. I followed her there to harass her and was waiting for her. I don't even know. Ummmm.... I avoid her like the f'ing plague!

I reminded him that she makes up stories, lies, is a huge drama queen... just like he told me. He said no she's not. I reminded him about how even HER mom said that and when she scratched herself on a hanger trying to kick him out, how she tried to lie and say he did it to her. Then she texted him about it and he said, thank you for confirming that I didn't do that to you. And he said- no, that didn't happen.

He could NOT look me in the eyes- even for a second. He kept trying to AVOID EVERYTHING!! He kept trying to walk away. He implied that she has a plan to take me down. That I am digging a whole and I'm not going to get out of it bc she is going to bury me. I don't even know what the heck he is talking about. I asked what he meant, and he said, "I'm not telling you anything."

He acted like I was a total scumbag stranger. And honestly, it was like he has never known me. And I am not saying this because I care... He seems 100% brainwashed. It is soooooo bizarre. She is so in his head about me. SOOOO in his head. Seriously- like the 20 years meant nothing.

And he confided in me before that she would always get upset and say that he always sticks up for me. I was thinking about how I was so irrelevant from their life, what could she even be saying about me that he would have to? She didn't know me nor had never even seen me. Well.... looks like he had to make a change with that!

What I see is someone who is doing whatever she wants and says just to.... be happy???? He sold his soul to the devil. And he sold me out along the way. I just couldn't believe that he would support here going to the cops on me. I really can't. So I guess a part of me is still pretty naive.

He totally sees me as a threat bc of what he confided in me. He says she did nothing wrong... by breaking up our family. He said it is all on him. Which I agreed with but said they are both to blame. She knew he was married and had kids... and she was a mother herself. That she does not care how much she hurts my kids.

Anything I said was totally irrelevant. I don't think he heard a thing I said.

He is totally brainwashed. (I am not saying that to take away his accountability)

Things he said did not make sense.

He totally defended her.

He defended his actions.

Says he does not care what people say.

He was trying to escape like crazy.

He looks like crap. He looks even more aged than he did a few months ago. He looks tired and old. He is only 37, and always looked very youthful looking.

I tried to plead with him to consider moving. He said he's not going anywhere. I explained how difficult it has been for d14 and she always wants to move away. Can you guess the response????

Because of ME! Duh.. of course.

I reminded him that when she first said it in December, he was here, and that it was HIM who said he knows she wants to move because of the baby and the sitch. Um... yeah... no comment.

But I know they blame me for everything.

That's OK.

I am going back to my solitude. My silence.

They get nothing from me. As long as they can point their misery at me, they won't look at each other, or heaven forbid... in the mirror.

I've got lots to look forward to. And I'm going to keep it moving. I couldn't help but think that it all happened for a reason.

I couldn't believe the timing. I have prayed so hard for the last week to help me see the truth. And to help me move on. And seeing her was sooo on my mind.

I believe I saw the truth. I believe it has helped me MOVE ON. And I think she was put in my path for a reason.

When I think about where he is... it really breaks my heart. I feel so badly for him. I see his despair. I don't want that for him, even if he doesn't care about what happens to me. I realize that's part of his broken-ness. And I can't continue to let that hold me back from my happiness.

Gotta go... HVAC guy is coming. And the drywall in the kitchen is being hung as we speak!! Whooop whoop!