MOVING UP MOVING ON

[Ambivalent]

Hi ya Job!

Yes those vets are special. Their expressions and gratitude are so heart warming! It is the best volunteer job I've ever had!!

As for the big question. I was pretty low for a bit. And then I completely let go. I have been working on me lately, digging into choices and how I have difficulty sharing my feelings with those I love. JTM sent me for a loop, yet I still forgave him and he has me. Lately he had been texting me, and I wrote him an e-letter stating what I expect in a friend , and what I expect in a partner. No sugar coating and all about my needs and boundaries.

He has asked me out the past three to four weeks, and I declined. I ultimately ended up going out with him last Saturday. I know where he's living, how and see a man who is working on himself. He learned the hard way about dating and relationships. I have given him another chance, and I'm actually somewhat detached. Weird I know, but it is with the help of a course that I'm taking .

These courses have helped me in so many ways. I have much work yet to do, but I've come to some realizations and enlightenment through them. I'm excited about the homework and even though it does push me out of my zone of comfort, I know I won't grow without the pain.

I'm practicing with everyone, as well as JTM. I've caught myself a few times doing behaviors that I know I need to adjust. Even though I'm still behaving the same, I know eventually it will change due to my recognition!

I'm allowing myself to be grounded around JTM, and feeling whatever it is I'm feeling when with him. What is interesting in all of this , is the fact that he is pursuing heavily. He is calling and chatting for long periods of time. Texting me more frequently and when I was with him, he was more present.

I'm getting stronger everyday, and my cycling is getting further and further apart. Yes I still deal with depression, and will do so in the future. The courses also help with this as well.

I'm a bit tired and need to take advantage of this, for the last nights of late , I've not slept well.