We are over, now what?

[Pyrite]

Tulo, I suspect you know this already but just to pound it in: (correct if i am wrong and/or tell me where to go if appropriate)

Your R is over. This is not just a fight in the R and H/he has "spat the dummy" (pacifier - not sure how local this slang is).

So - your only move is forwards. And DB or not this means YOU moving forwards. Zeus posted not so long ago his DB coach's post BD "Steps". Using poetic licence:

1. Dissolve your old R completely. Be your own person.
2. Can be friends with ex if that is what you want AFTER 1.
3. Romance may blossom with now friend ex. if that is what you want AFTER 2.
4. R with ex. this WILL include dressing old wounds no doubt.

SO - you/we are at 1. my dear. Notice at 1. there is no mention of 2,3,4. These actually hinder 2,3,4 anyway. For a succesful version of ANY 2,3,4 (whether it is with ex or not) YOU need to achieve 1. in the best way possible.

Granted - you/we have to let go of the idea that we can do anything about the sitch now. We feel like letting go of 2,3,4 and focusing on 1 means 2,3,4 won't happen. IT WONT HAPPEN NOW ANYWAY. it could happen that your H has big hiccup in his new life and comes running back, but that isn't what you want. Chances are that you'll help him back on his feet and he'll do it again.

I have been hopeful that if I can turn it around quickly, I can turn her round quickly to, or show her that I have changed and there is no need for her to feel that way anymore. But the reality is that her "feeling" is not that trivial that we can just wash it away. There is a strong possibility that OM loses his temp VISA in next few months. Life will be hard for her and OM is not around either - and she will come back. Despite how she has treated me, I would still ask my friends here and in real life to help me stay strong enough to turn her away until she has demonstrated more of a commitment than just activating plan B.

SO take away plan B. Make him earn you back.