We are over, now what?

[Pyrite]

Have had a lousy day here today, started out good with some I guess healthy anger but pretty soon I started to think, analyse and being the fool that I can be.. Need to get a hold of this!

Sorry you had a bad day. You know I have lots of them as well, so I am not without fault here as well and dont follow my own advice often enough.

healthy anger---you started to think....
Good. you recognise the point where it stops being "healthy" and becomes obsessive and unhealthy. This is excellent progress Tulo. Now, I won't ask you to not think about him at all - but I will ask you to FORCE yourself to stop when you notice it is getting out of hand. And i mean FORCE.

You can visualise this if it helps. personally when i notice I am past this point I start filling a balloon with all my thoughts that keep coming, because trying to stop them dead is ....problematic. Then when my focus is turned to the balloon, which is by now inflated, I pop it.

Dont try and solve all your problems at once. Most of them you can't solve anyway. Just try to do this.

Most times you will be far past the point where your thoughts become obsessive and really damaging before you even realise it. Kill those thoughts as soon as you can. Eventually, even after a few times, you will get better at recognising this point and you will kill the thoughts earlier and earlier. Because you can do this, you will be more confident to indulge "healthy" thoughts about the R - and these you CAN work with.

In bed now, middle of the night and I need to get some sleep.

Keep wondering if he'll contact me before my race, if he doesn't how can I make that ok in my mind. I know I have too. It's just that that this weekend has been so much about him and I, for over a year, ever since I entered. And now we're finished and he's not coming to stay with me at the fancy hotel and he's not cheering me on and so on.. Just hurts.

Even though it shouldn't matter, and doesn't matter, because it's not a him and I anymore, I still want so much for him to show that he cares. You can tell that detaching is going very good right?

But I'll live, as they say. Sorry if I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself right now..

All my best, and thanks for stopping by..

i'll get back to you about this perhaps. I dont know what advice I can specifically offer about the race other than you are competing fro your sake. In the R were you racing for him, in any way? If he was busy and couldn't come to the race back then, would that be such a big deal that the event was less important for you. I doubt it.

"Sorry" - I can understand this - but really dont need to apologize to me. I can just switch you off if i want You have every right to feel sorry for yourself, be hurt and angry and confused. This is a horrible place to be in your life. but you will live. things will change. things won't be like this forever. it is not particularly helpful or believable right now, but they might even be better. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And you have already survived the worst of it. From here on it is just rehabilitation.