What just happened? Kramer's journey continues

[sandi2]

I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but my perspective is that this was nothing more than a booty call, and nothing less than a temp check. Hope that doesn't make you feel cheap. Maybe someone can learn from it.

She should have felt cheap slipping in the back door of your house, but I'm sure to her it was somewhat exciting, b/c that is not how married people act, right? It is acting more like people who are slipping around and having an affair.

I hope you can connect the dots here. Affairs are addictive. It often jump-starts a woman's sex drive. If OM has really stopped having sex with her, then she was probably about ready to find an unlocked door somewhere, and what better place than her H's house?

Now granted, I don't really believe the majority of WW's want to have sex with their H, but some gals are just higher drive than others and it makes little difference to them.

I’m going to give some details, because I think they may be relevant.

You know when you told her it meant something different to you than it did her? I find it amazing how a man can talk about how defenseless he is when he's been without sex a long time, but then he seems to think if a woman is obviously sexually excited, it must be b/c she's experiencing those loving feelings for him.

Some WW's find it very stimulating to know she can sexually manipulate a man, even if it is her plan B. They can really get into it, when there is purpose. Call me suspicious, but from what I have learned over the years, whenever a WW suddenly shows up to entice the LBH into having sex with her, you can expect a motive behind it.

It makes no difference what she was wearing. That was not some message she was giving you. (However, I am reading her clearly, I think.) Don't you know that was all planned? She knew you would want it to have "meaning" b/c she wore what you bought for her. And she even wore her ring. In fact, everything you described seems so obvious as to a setup. As I have said, you men are just too easy. If there should be a next time, please try to at least be a little more challenging for her.

I went to the kitchen and got coffee and we talked.

Maybe she said more than what you told us, but from your post it sounds as though you did most of the talking. IMO, the LBH should not have a lot to say about the R on these matters, until she lets him know she is willing to work and save the M As long as she is connected to OM, she doesn't need to know H's innermost feelings.

The fact she cried does not necessarily mean anything, other than she is sorry she is still unhappy. Remember she's been rejected by her lover. I can understand how men want to place a certain emotional value in a woman's tears, but a WW's emotions are like a roller coaster. It doesn't take much for her to cry. In most cases, her tears are for herself.

I asked her about what just happened and why she came over, and she said that she wanted to see if it was awkward. I asked her if it was awkward and she said “No. Actually it feels like we just hit the pause button and things felt just the same as when we were together”. I agreed with her.

Okay, you wanted to hear her tell you what this was really about. You had already observed what she was wearing and every move she made, so you were hoping it meant what you wanted it to be. I get it. But look at her answer, especially the last part. You agreed with her, but are you saying that this was like the R when she started having an A? Or, are you saying that at one time, the sex was good between you? Do you feel like this has just a pause in the M and can go back to how it use to be?

It's not at all unusual, based on people's reports, for a WW to want a test drive to see if the sex feels awkward (in fact, that is the very word they use, "awkward"). And from what she said, it seems she was taking a test drive.

She apologized again for making a mess of things and having affair.

Can you remember more specifically what she said about being sorry for the affair? And was she talking about you were unhappy or herself?

My question is, would she be sorry if the OM had not rejected her? Something you need to think about.

She again asked why and how I could still love her after what she did.

Most of what she has said to you has been WW script. This last quote has been said by countless numbers of WW's, but it was not them asking to come back to the M. It is temp checking. I think the who thing was temp checking, b/c she wanted to see if you were still her backup plan. You played right into her hands.

My advice is to nothing. I mean nothing! No initiating contacts. No more playing this game of connecting to her through her kids (nor keeping track of her through them), no questions, and no pursuing whatsoever.

If you really want this woman to be interested, you had better step back, and put her in the position of chasing you. You will find out if she is serious or not.

She has to go further than just being sorry for the affair (if she really is). She needs to feel true remorse for the pain she has caused you and for betraying her vows. It needs to go deeper than just her being sorry she made a mess of everything (which is another WW script). I am serious about these scripts. If they didn't use the same sentences, word by word, I could disagree.