Thanks job. I did not have a good night sleep wise, the conversation going around in my head.
Whilst this is a step forward, I am really not sure how this is going to work or even if I want to open myself up to possible hurt in the future. Do I want to be "just friends" should that be the way this goes. The question of do I contact him, how often; weekly, monthly - is this not pursuing.
I have not initiated contact since last October so for me to do so now is slightly alien. Not knowing what is going on in his life seems far easier than knowing - I mean, what happens if he does stay with ow (which I really do doubt, he knows he cant stay in that kind of relationship, its making him ill). What happens if he finds someone else, or things just plod along in friend zone - do I really want this, idk. I have only just found calm in my life again without him in it. I know we have to start somewhere and this is the obvious place - and he initiated it - however I am really quite conscious that this could go disastrously wrong for me.
I know that he really is not ready for anything other than friendship and he may never want more from me; he needs to end it with ow and then go live life and achieve the things he wanted to when he left me. I know that the only way we have any chance of reconciling is for us to be in communication and as friends we can build on that, but I suppose I am still very sensitive to putting myself in the line of fire - I am asking myself, is it a risk I am willing to take.
I am conscious that having him around again may cause me to change direction and my plans - always wondering "what if". This was unexpected and has sent me in to a slight spin.
I know what my girlfriends would say to me if they knew about this - they have watched and supported me through him leaving me and would think I was absolutely crazy for having anything to do with him at all.
